I was talking to my wife over the phone during lunch today (She lives in India and will be coming back in a couple of weeks).

While we were talking, she kept saying that she didn't like the tone of my voice, that I was talking like she was some third person. I said I was talking normally, and even jokingly asked why I would talk differently to my baby.

Then, after talking for about half an hour, she started with a shit test.

She: My mother was asking about you today. She asked me if you ask about her when we talk, and if you asked to talk to her. I told her that you did those things only until the marriage, and have since never done anything like that.

Me: You know that I when your mother is around, I ask you to give her the phone and talk to her. Think about the truth before saying such things.

She: You get into a cupboard and think really hard. You've never done such thing.

Me: (At this point, I was irritated, but I thought I'd agree and amplify, but got carried away)

Me: Definitely. In fact I don't even remember her face. It's been so long since I talked to her. I don't even remember how she sounds. Does she sound like this? (I imitated an ogre) (I realized I had made a mistake at this point, but it was too late)

She: No. She sounds like your mother (and she imitated an ogre).

I just laughed at it to show I wasn't bothered by what was happening. Then I noticed that it was getting late, so I said I was going back to work

She: Why are you in such a hurry? Do you have to shit?

Me: Yeah, I have to shit in your mouth (I never talk like this to her, but I guess I was already too frustrated and didn't hold frame)

She got very upset at this.

She: Why are you talking back for everything I say? Why did you say such a thing to me? Why didn't you just let go of what I said?

Me: Why did you insult me asking like this? That's why I said so.

She: You know that there's only a couple of weeks until I come there, right? I had changed for you, but here onwards it's the old treatment for you. I'll teach you many lessons once I come there.

Me: We'll talk about this in the evening. I have to go to work now.

She called me again:

She: Don't do this again, ok?

Me: Are you done talking? We'll talk about it in the evening. I'm going back to work now.

She laughed sarcastically and cut the call.

5 mins later, she called again, but I didn't pick up, as I was in a discussion. Then I called her back, and she talked cold but normally.

She: You told me you would be sending me documents to convert your bank account into a joint account. It's been a month. Have you forgotten about it?

Me (talking normally, trying to maintain frame): Yeah I forgot about it.

She: Send me the document tomorrow morning, so that I'll do it immediately. Don't tell me again you forgot.

Me: Yeah I'll send the letter to you tomorrow. Then she disconnected the call.

I feel very stupid and angry now. I feel the best response to her about her mother was to just say ok and drop that. I had purposefully postponed on the bank account thing. Not because I didn't trust her, but just because I felt uneasy doing that.

Now what do I do? How do I get my frame back? How do I talk to her next time I talk to her?

I'm angry at what she told her mother about me. I'm angry that I lost my frame. I'm angry that she threatens to make my life hell when she comes back. I feel like an ass now. I feel like I should have been angry at her when she called her, instead of pretending that nothing happened.