TL;DR Can't find the fucking balance between "too mean" and "too nice". Don't have friends, don't have sexual partners.

I'm frequently told I'm too mean, even when joking I'm "mean". I have no idea how to find the balance between "nice guy" and "bad guy".

I am genuinely an aggressive person, I am that guy in the politics discussion table that is always arguing with all his heart.

Someone recommend a book or something please? I'm fucking tired of this. Last time I gone out I tried to be more careful, but still, when I took the girl by the hand to ask her politely where she was going, she said I grabbed her with too much force (I fight BJJ so it's kinda hard physically also), I promptly said "sorry, sometimes I can't control my strength.", then took her hand really lightly and told her "just wanted to make sure you're aint going to get lost" or something.

Usually, if a girl complains that I grabbed her arm too strong I would say something in the lines of: "Stop being a bitch, I thought you were a strong woman" jokingly (but still even joking it seems that I sound ragey)

But my psychiatrist said that maybe I should try to "adapt to society", so I decided to give it a try and be more gentle... But still I'm getting no attention, jesus fucking christ.

I have already gave up 80%. I only access facebook on sundays, study about 9 hours a day and read books daily, there's absolutelly no one to speak with me at my whatsapp.

Seriously, I'm fucking pathetic. I'm a fucking honest guy, if I don't like you, I'll tell you to your face: "Look, I don't like you because of this that and that", but if I like you and you are gentle to me, I'll make sure you feel loved or atleast appreciated.

I fight BJJ, so I don't do street fighting obviously, so my rudeness isn't trying to get into trouble, it's just that I hate so many things in this society that it keeps building rage inside me and I have no way to express it. Had to take some drugs 2 hours ago because I was fuming after seeing how unjust the world can be.

Seriously, I'm tired of that shit. I'm feeling like a leprous, I've spent the last 2 years or so reading about social, auto-improvement things, I started meditating, love Eckhart Tolle, read the 48 laws of power, but still I have absolutelly, absolutelly NO GIRL who I can chat. I have dated one single girl in the last 3 years. (granted most of that time I was in grief because my then first girlfriend had just left me)

I don't even want sex anymore, I haven't had female affection in 5 months since my ex cheated on me. I just want a fucking company. Not only female, as I only have 1 male friend (who is at the same situation as me, but he's too timid so even being a 9/10 he rarely bangs anyone)

I'm an average looking guy, with average looking body. My confidence and self-esteem is through the roof. I can be a bit funny but I'm no clown. I have a purpose in life, I absolutely love psychiatry, medicine, biology and politics, I have everything big step in my life already planned and if someone asks me: "Who are you?" I could talk for hours.

Also, I'm not the best orator (always best on class tho), but I'm trying to learn. I don't understand. I just wish there is something I am missing, because I'm pretty sure I've read almost all content the internet has to offer in regards to seduction and male self-improvement.

However, even being aggressive, if you put me into a leading position I do absolutely great. I'm the guy everyone runs to when something bad happens (mugging etc, happened twice this year), I am the guy who get shit done while everyone is cowering in fear.