Me and my friends planned on going out for new years eve. They all bail. I said fuck it especially after reading an earlier post about approaching. I get to downtown and I'm fucking afraid. I get to a bar and it's only entree by ticket so I go to another bar and the cover fee is too much. I finally get to a bar that has a sign that says no cover fee, special drinks. I get in there and it's pack. I buy and drink and stand around. I stand in that place for a long time. I finally start to think, is this how I want to start the year by watching everyone around me move on and have fun while I just stare at everyone. In that moment I was afraid but I started to give my self small mission. Like give a compliment, ask for their name, ask about the bar. The first one was scary as fuck..i thought I was going to shit a brick. I as the night went on I realize I was having more fun an socializing more. One moment I cannot get out of my head was when it was closing time and I was close to the door with a black guy named tory. We became friends in that moment. Cracking jokes as people started to leave. One girl pass by and we make eye contact. I didnt do anything beacause i dint know what to do. As she passes me a guy behind her friend looks at me and says you fucked up. He says it 3 time. What was I suppose to do? I know it's not a big accomplishment but I had fun going out by myself. What can I do differently when my friends bail on me again and I have to be on my own. Or if they are with me how can I get better at this. I want to become better at this in 2020. On a side note I did felt lonely as the count down started and I didn't have my friends to celebrate it with.