Hey. I'll try to keep the presentation short : 36, job (I don't like and am currently trying to change), very good friends, virgin, kissless since about 15 years. No flirting since. Long-time depression, extreme timidity with women. I'm probably not ugly, maybe average or a bit below, idk. People always like me in general even when I was in my worst emo depressive period.

Anyway let's go to the topic. I decided I couldn't be alone anymore, so 1 year ago I started working my looong way out of bad health (lots of alcool, cigs, no sport at all, etc), not caring about my looks, and not knowing how to be social. Sport, meditation, etc etc. Did wonders on me considering how low I was. I'm probably still weird but whatever.

*--- If you don't care about my background you can start reading here -- *

Recently, I started talking to girls on different dating sites. I met 3 of them and here's where I am now : surprisingly, I was able to maintain conversations for hours and hours. Lots of things in common, girls seemed to appreciate me, etc. I also managed to maintain eye contact easily and physical proximity without flipping out (where as 1 year ago this would've been impossible for me, eye contact even with men was out of question).

So that sounds like a good start I suppose? Except...there's not attraction. I could say for the first 2 girls that despites being really likeminded, I was having good conversation and being as honest as could be, but I never really thought about them sexually/kissing them. The third one I've seen tonight was a bit more my type physically, and again we chatted a pretty long time, but...at some point, I don't know how to explain it, it's like the novelty, the passion or whatever, dies. And no attraction seem to happen on any side.

So there's probably reasons. Could be that we're just meant to be good friends, or that some part of me is still afraid as physical contact is still a mystery for me, or whatever. But it doesn't matter. I'm starting to switch from happy to back at being angry at my old self, which I didn't hear about for a while. I need to take measures. What can I do to fix this? Just keep seeing more girls until I find attraction? Anything I could try to fix? (I already started to think about the fact I may talk too much. Of course I'm totally conscious of the conversation and I'm not taking the whole space. But I'm generally enthusiastic and maybe I give too much. But how are you supposed to get to know each other if you don't talk, right? And people generally don't like silences...)

PS : Also...I think there may have been moments for the kiss that I missed. Maybe that would've light something in me. But I'm probably afraid of rejection/being too "agressive" on a first date.