This is a major breakthrough I had. It might seem mini to some, but this really turns things on their heads for me. Scroll down to the bolded part for the major breakthrough, this is backstory.

I forget where, it might have been a post here on seddit, but it was some tips on becoming self-validated and not relying on external validation for confidence and self-esteem (therefore being reactive, all that jazz).

I'm captain of my sport team at school, and I've been introduced to parents and the rest of the team as such. Then, a couple days ago, I was late to practice. Okay, no biggie.

Coach starts talking about guys being leaders, etc, refers to another dude as captain (he's the best player on the team). Huh. Okay. This kills my frame. I know this isn't pickup, but it kills my general mood. I play like shit during practice, let myself get riled up and all.

Later that evening, there's another practice. It's just me and 2 other guys, one of which was on JV last year. Coach asks him, "How would you like to be captain this year?"

"Of varsity?"

"Of course, you were JV captain last year."

FUCK. ME. Oh wait. Step back. I've been introduced as captain, but whatever. Why do I feel so angry? It's because I feel like I need to live up to other's expectations, etc, everyone knows me as captain, etc.

When I looked at it from an objective/psychological standpoint, I found some interesting things. He could've said that to try to fire me up, or to motivate the other guy to work even harder, or both. Cool. I recognize it for what it is.

Breakthrough here

Then, as I'm walking along, I realize: I know I'm a decent leader/captain, a skilled player, and a good guy! Why the fuck should I care if I slip up or if I'm not captain and some other guy is? I know who I am, and what strengths I have! I know I'm a hard worker, even if my coach doesn't see it at times. I know I learn from my mistakes and keep getting better.

I take pride in myself, and damn if I should care if others don't take pride in me! I love myself for who I was, who I am, and who I will choose to be!

So after that stunning realization (I literally staggered mid-stride, just a little bit), I felt great instantly. All the previous self-crippling thoughts went away, and I felt fucking amazing. Stepping onto the court, I played like I seriously never have before.

I was self-validated and my confidence flowed from within, not from others calling me "captain" or telling me I'm good. I knew I was good and that even if I wasn't captain or whatever shit, I still would be my awesome self.

This was a breakthrough that I had, and I'll try to carry it over to everything and anything! Hopefully this helped you guys that we're all in the same boat with, trying to get solid inner and confidence and self-esteem. It's hard to describe the feeling of amazingness that flowed through me when it happened, but hopefully this helps us all get closer to having that permanently!