'Clamming Up' when even considering an approach

erlybird · 2015-01-28T01:04:49+00:00

We all have approach anxiety, the best of us much less than others, but we all do. It's an unfortunate, but a natural thing for us to be nervous about speaking to a woman we're attracted to.

But we have to push past it, we have to calm it down. People deal with it in different ways, but what worked for me, was just focussing on how much I want it. My desire to fuck girls, is WAY higher, than my fear of rejection. You've got to instill that mindset into yourself. You've got to love girls more than you hate an embarrassing blowout.

IDK if you're a sports guy like me, but let's make a sports analogy. If a champion quarterback like Tom Brady sees a receiver downfield, he isn't shaking about it, he jut let's it fly with confidence. That confidence has a lot to do with experience, but also, it's because he just want's it that badly. His desire to win completely masks his fears of failing in the moment.

So before you talk to a girl, think about what you want, and how bad you want it. Just appreciate her, her body, cute smile, or whatever is drawing you to her. That way you'll be in that champions mindset, instead of fearing the moment, and sub-comunicating that you are... you'll be excited by the moment, and actually flow better... Then you might start to notice better reactions from girls, and this shit will be 10000* more natural and enjoyable.

Pit_Sweat · 2015-01-28T03:47:06+00:00

You need a frame shift. You have to figure out how to change your mental attitudes toward approaching girls to a fun one instead of one of fear.

I used to have crippling AA as well - but a change in attitude plus a good deal of experience has taught me to actually enjoy the process. I know that I will always, always feel a bit of anxiety before approaching a girl - that's never going to go away but it no longer stops me from going after what I want.

The biggest thing is I stopped viewing approaching girls as a chore - as something that I have to do or that I must accomplish. You don't have to do anything. You approach her because you want to. The second biggest thing is I stopped trying to "take value" from girls. By this, I mean that all I wanted was for the girl to like me, talk to me, approve of me. I wanted so many things from her and yet I had nothing to offer myself. Now, I always "give value." When I go up to a girl and tell her she's cute, I know there is a 90% chance that I'm making her day and even if she's too busy to have a conversation, that's good enough for me. Everyone needs someone to take a genuine interest in their lives. I no longer care if she talks back to me or not - I am not trying to get anything from her, although if she's in a giving mood, I am always willing to accept.

Finally, I learned to enjoy meeting new people - not just girls. Men, old people, children, you name it. This helps you to realize that just because you talk to a stranger doesn't mean you automatically get put on the chopping block and judged to death. Find ways to connect with and build rapport with everyone. Have fun doing it, and don't view it as a means to a creepy end. When you can accomplish this, you'll realize that [attractive] girls are really no different from anybody else. In fact, you may find that the most attractive girls can be easier to connect with, because they often lack genuine relationships with the men in their life.

The biggest caveat is: You have to go out and do stuff. Don't just sit here and read advice - take action. Start small. Talk to people whom you are not sexually attracted to and work your way up. You'll get there in no time - trust me. You're 16 and if you start now you will have years of amazing experiences ahead of you.

P.S. Eat more and lift harder because you're skinny as fuck.

ThrowawayPUA · 2015-01-28T01:54:54+00:00

I've been trying to make some headway with women recently, although when I even consider talking to one, I 'Clam Up'

So stop considering it. I mean it literally, stop thinking about the approach and just approach. When you are thinking, you are focused inward, paying attention to your own feelings, and you will be completely oblivious to what is happening right in front of you.

Title	'Clamming Up' when even considering an approach
Author	ExpandDong111
Upvotes	2
Comments	4
Date	January 28, 2015 12:37 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2twmxd/clamming_up_when_even_considering_an_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/clamming-up-when-even-considering-an-approach.1383029 https://theredarchive.com/post/1383029

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