Short and sweet conversation guide by Murbyl. This has worked for me, might work for you, feel free to add pointers, discussion, or whatever you might feel like.

1.0. Introduction:

Conversation is not hard. It is however, tricky. A lot of bad habits that the net has given us have to go and be replaced by techniques that allow us to meaningfully interact with others. Some of those habits run pretty deep. Some not so much. And some of the things we have to do are fairly counter-intuitive.

1.1 Assumptions we carry:

You might think any, or some of these things. They will in general be a detriment to your conversation in general:

-Conversation should be informative for you: Most conversations won't be. You will talk about shit you've talked about before, and seeing that you are the kind to be here, hearing about shit you've heard before.

-People want to hear how awesome you are: In general, people don't like being with important people. They like being with people who make them feel important. Most girls care about how you make them feel. Not so much about who you are.

-Conversation should be fast or concise: Conversations are a journey, not a destination. Bullet points and text dumps are in general, terrible conversations. We are used to getting the info we want right "now". This doesn't work with human beings.

-You should find commonalities: Most awkward situations I've seen and been in consist of people sending feelers to find what the other person likes/enjoys, then throwing a couple lines about it before doing it again. This does not work. At all. It can be the case that you find someone who is interested in exactly the same stuff, but that will make them "less" interested in what you say if they already know about it.

-Conversations should be about "important things": No religion or politics of any sort. Ever.

1.2 A new way of thinking:

Most unproductive assumptions in the above list seem to have at its core the idea that conversations are about exchanging information. A more helpful way to think about it however is to think of conversations as being about "bonding". This is, the objective is not to learn something about a topic, but rather, to learn, and share, with the person. This approach naturally changes the way in which you think, and talk, and inherently enhances your conversation.

For instance, instead of info dumping all of the awesome shit you do, as if you would were conversation about information, you share a story regarding one of the things that you have done, focusing on your emotions and feelings. It is then, a bonding experience. Compare:

Info dump: Among other things, I like playing violin, sky diving, soccer, videogames, whatever.

Bonding: Man, I miss the sea. Last summer I went to Florida and we went scuba diving. The water was so clear, and the place so warm. Seen those Kodak moment commercials? Whole place was like that, ever seen something like that? like you should just pull out a camera and capture everything?

Notice that bonding convo is opened by volunteering something, not asking, but the asking is done later as a way to continue the conversation. Now, this is important:

People like hearing themselves talk. You know that they find you interesting when they talk about something in response to what you said. And you know you won if the things they are talking about awaken such feelings that, was the conversation to be interrupted, they would actively try to reengage it.

1.2.3 Conversation topics:

A common difficulty that results in feelers is finding "what to talk about". This is born from our inability to know what others know. Most people have a natural tendency to assume others know the things that they do, or that they will find the things they find obvious, obvious as well. In reality, people have different backgrounds, thoughts, personalities, and attitudes, resulting in wide divergence regarding the conclusions of a topic. And that divergence usually builds the kind of interaction you do not want. Think politics: You find the way you think obvious. So does the other party find the way they think. You talk about it and find your divergence of opinion. Very quickly, instead of bonding, you are info dumping to try to make the other party reach your conclusions. So are they. Very quickly any possible bonding is replaced with anger over the inability to convince the other.

Then, what should we talk about?

Simple, talk about dreams, things you like, things you find pleasant, and generally, about feelings, pets, things you have done or want to do, and express them as stories. Things that are intangible, arouse positive emotions, and lead to the kind of mindset/interaction that you want.

Whatever you do:

-Don't interrupt people. Yes, you know where they are going, no, they don't want to get to the point. -Act like you care. Most girls will, if things are going well, start talking/sharing themselves. Let them. Remember, people like hearing themselves talk. -Act like you find whatever the fuck impressive. We know it might not be. But if a chick tells you she just managed to play Twinkle Twinkle on Violin, you don't go "Well, I can do Paganini's Caprice, want to check it out?". Instead, try "That sounds awesome. I have a Violin myself and live a couple blocks from here, come, I want to hear you playing it".

Once she is actually at your place, you can talk about fingering/bowing/music/whatever. Or better yet, you can just fuck her.

-Don't talk over people you are interested in. They hate this.

1.2.4 When to talk:

Anytime. Conversation is a skill. Do it everywhere. I have made friends, and banged, cashiers at the super market by my place by having convos every time I see them. The right time is always now.

2.0 Conclusions:

Conversation is not about exchanging information, but about bonding. It should be done as stories that open the door to further conversation and which share emotions and feelings. Listening and making the other party feel important is important in itself.

These thoughts and change in approach have changed the way I interact with women in a very positive way. Finally, always try to direct the conversation into pleasant topics. If a chick wants to talk about how she used to cut, no matter what, then A) You probably don't want her. and B) This is not a time where this will lead anywhere.

2.1 Sources: How to make friends and influence people. Probably the best book I've ever read. Read this. Seriously