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[–]AelfredRex 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's called "love addiction".
You're not actually in love with her. You're in love with the idea of being in love. You don't even know her, she's just a subject to fantasize about.
You need to do a bit of cognitive behaviour therapy and stop yourself fantasizing.
[–]scrumdiddlyumptious7 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Echoing the CBT comment. This was the answer for me as well. I was in your shoes so hard about ten years ago.
I highly suggest looking into mental/behavioral health providers covered by your insurance. Today. Call one, leave a message, schedule a session and transform the shit out of that horrible feeling. I mean just do the work and then in 6 weeks, update please! Oh and if the first doesn’t call back, keep calling til one does.
I also want you to know it’s pretty amazing that you can recognize this pattern in yourself and articulate it the way you have here. Seems like you might be making yourself wrong for feeling these feelings…give yourself some grace ok? You’re clearly an intelligent and caring person who has lots to offer the world. There light at the end of this chick-shaped tunnel, and it’s most likely shaped like YOU are.
-S
[–]XGrumpyLlamaX 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is this the same girl you keep posting about?
[–]Da_SnowLeopard -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yea she is so deep in my head. I don’t understand why. We don’t even have good chemistry almost no conversation. Everything about the other girl is just smoother, easier, better. Except for looks and sex.
I don’t know why I’m so damn hooked its like I literally can’t stop thinking about her. Its not healthy there is something really wrong with this situation.
[–]TheRiverOfDyx 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you’re hooked on the drama, maybe you feel like a knight in shining armour wanting to help. That’s noble of you. That’s going to get you a sack of rocks at maybe 100lbs on your back though, on top of your life burden you carry. You can’t carry another’s burden, if you do they won’t be able to carry it when you give it back. They’ll crumble under the weight. If you wanna help, do it from a distance, offer advice. DO NOT do shit for her, ever. It’ll keep happening, and when you do try to get her to break her shell and help herself, she’ll crumble and cling to you for support. Anxious attachment is a bitch to deal with. It’s very sweet in a way, it’s a level above having a rescue dog, because well, this is a human. But something hurt them, and they’re anxious. Be there if you wanna be there but you need to SERIOUSLY set some boundaries for yourself when doing that, not for her. Set them to her if you must, but at the very least, make hard boundaries you won’t cross over yourself. You’ll get sucked into the drama, or very least you’ll be attached at the hip, and this girl will be in shambles when you’re not around - missing you, and the stability and safety you provide. Help her see that she is strong and capable, give her “proper” feminism, you go girl, girl power, you can do it. Emotional management and regulation is also good for these types to practice, but if you frame it in a way where its like “You’re going to learn how to regulate yourself” she may take it as “You’re going to learn how to regulate YOURSELF, this is me prepping to leave you and you need to be able to handle yourself on your own when I’m gone”. It’s called Catastrophizing. It’s a mind thing, it needs to be worked out, but just help with breathing if panicked, grounding her back by counting breathes, if you wanna be sweet, make a journal or something with emergency steps with an “Is ____ Panicking?” Sheet, and make it a cheat sheet for calming oneself. Thinking about and minimizing problems by laying them out in lists, and breaking it into small steps. Do NOT write the lists out and ask them their problems for you to then breakdown step by step. Again, they’ll get used to it and not learn for themselves, they just learn what YOU do, and then either struggle or they’re resilient and do it themselves. If you’re going to, SHE has to be the one to write it, you’re just a well from which she pulls that helpful knowledge, as it should be. You’re not her caretaker, you’re barely a guide. Just a fellow traveller helping another with proper technique on how to carry their burdens.
It’s tough, and god damn are puppy dog eyes so fucking mind controlling, but gotta resist. She’ll see you as stronger for it too, you’re a rock, not a rope to be climbed on said rock. My ex was very anxious in her attachment, I would sometimes go 50/50, then I’d end up at 70/30 helping her, other times I had to be firm but gentle (set boundaries, with a soft tone, gentle demeanor, and a solid explanation like above: ‘If i help you too much, you’ll have a harder time being strong enough if I’m off at work”. Response I got was “im plenty strong”, which IS good, but she often failed to back it up and would be shaken whenever she had to do something, needing her mom with her when going to the bank. Not to dig, just to show how anxious this girl is/was. Seems like she’s doing better, I can’t say for certain.
Be a personal trainer emotionally, get that rollercoaster you’re fond of to be like a kiddie rollercoaster with only some turns and a short slope instead of The Anxiety Machine, y’know? PTs don’t lift the weights for you, they motivate you to lift the weights. Do that, DO NOT lift the weights for them, they’ll be stuck on the same weight while heavier weight stacks on top of them
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[–]AelfredRex 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]scrumdiddlyumptious7 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]XGrumpyLlamaX 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Da_SnowLeopard -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]TheRiverOfDyx 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link