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[–]karzbobeans 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you already know what to do. Detach yourself from the outcome. Someone else's feelings about you are totally out of your hands anyways.
http://i.imgur.com/e3iB21z.jpg
[–]Mindsink 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice, lol. Ya, writing it out helped me. People say that writing helps. I see now how it can first hand. Seems like the only play here. Just wait until she reaches out if she does. Thanks for the pic, made me laugh. It helps when someone confirms your thoughts. Thanks.
[–]Mindsink 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I read your advice again. Detach yourself form the outcome. Pretty great and powerful mindset. Tough to do. You want a certain outcome so bad when you really like someone. It is much different then just wanting to get with a girl for the sake of getting some.
[–]karzbobeans2 points 11 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
You're allowing yourself to think over-romanticized thoughts that are not true. There is no one woman who you can connect with, you will find others. Expecting a woman (or anyone) to act the way you desire is futile, it's like expecting the weather to be nice. It'll happen sometimes but not always. Focus on yourself instead. Be who you want to be and let other people react to it how they want. Let the pieces fall where they fall.
[–]Mindsink 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I am working on myself now more than I have ever during my life time thus far. It has definitely made a massive difference. This is one of the reasons why I feel that I am coming in contact with more spectacular people.
I have to be honest. Your words sound simple at first and then become super complex and cryptic when I ponder them. If we just allow the pieces to fall where they fall then why are we here on this sub learning to evolve our behavior and thinking to render an outcome positively for us? If I bombard her with communication then surely I will scare her off. However if I adjust my current behavior as I am trying to then I may save this interaction from dying out quickly. I guess the confusion lies with letting yourself be who you want to be. At times who we want to be is based on the wrong focus of emotions like fear of loss. Obviously we know if we act on this fear we telegraph being needs and desperate. So the philosophy goes a bit hazy hear because it seems that there is a best logical approach and game plan to execute but exactly what is is questionable. Thanks for your time.
[–]karzbobeans2 points 11 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
No you should definitely learn and absorb what you read and change your behavior according to your standards. What I'm saying is, be who you want to be, and if you want to change who you are for you, do it. But don't change it for one particular person, and don't expect your changed behavior to influence one particular outcome. The outcomes will change in general over time.
The main thing to take away from what I said was just change according to your own standards of what you should or shouldn't be. Don't be discouraged if one girl in your life has a change of heart. Her opinion of you is not your problem, your opinion of you and the results over time is what you should be striving to change.
This is just my two cents and how I look at what confidence is.
[–]Mindsink 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Understood. Gathered by what I have described do you feel that my strategy is now the correct one to follow? If and when she does reach out I will be back to a more reserved communication protocol. I will play it much more cool like I did prior to our first date.
[–]karzbobeans2 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You're still thinking about her, you have this attachment to an outcome still. You shouldn't give a flying gorilla shit if she texts ever again. You have no control over that so it should not affect your mood or self-image. Get back out there and meet new people.
[–]Mindsink 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hehe right on. You are starting to part this fog some more. Yes I am thinking about her. Obviously with other women I did not care about the outcome. With this one I want a specific outcome. This is a trip. Why am I altering a communication strategy if I should not care about the outcome? Why not do what is easier and just text away and smother her. Obviously that is easy vs obtaining communication at this time. But I am altering my behavior to put myself in a better position of getting the outcome I want. Why do this if I should not care about the outcome? My mood is effected but my self-image is not.
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[–]karzbobeans 2 points3 points4 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mindsink 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mindsink 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]karzbobeans2 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mindsink 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]karzbobeans2 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mindsink 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]karzbobeans2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mindsink 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link