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[–]dirttaylor 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Every encounter like that is going to help you the next time. And so on. Set little goals or milestones like that for yourself and then pursue them with genuine enthusiasm. Don’t make sex or the hookup the ultimate goal. Those will eventually happen as you become more comfortable and confident. You will be amazed with the things you will learn about yourself as long as you put yourself out there. Imagine you’re 90 years old and on your deathbed. Looking back, you’ll realize you had it in you the whole time. You just need to overcome your reticence and fear of rejection by realizing it’s all a part of the process.
[–]AsianCabbageVendor 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I just had a conversation with a girl at the front desk of my gym today. It was pretty platonic other than how she complimented my outfit and how I teased her about how shes probably used to so much attention from guys while she works out (the other day she told me that some random dude joined her while she was working out alone). You think this is ok? Its obvious shes attracted to me but I feel like I fucked up some way because I didnt close or ask her out? I've just been exchanging a few minutes here and there with her before I work out. This whole thing is new to me and I felt really good during the moment because I didnt get any anxiety by staying present and focusing on the moment.
[–]dirttaylor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That’s perfect. Small steps. Don’t expect to go in kicking down doors and closing deals every time especially when you’re just starting out. How many guys you think hit on her every day? You’re doing and finding a way to set yourself apart. Be patient and let the process take its course. This girl might not be the one, but you will find other unexpected opportunities opening up as well.
[–]AsianCabbageVendor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the reassurance bro. I tend to overthink stuff after the interaction and every time I do it's in a negative way despite what may have happened. I don't know if you experience this too or have in the past?
[–]dirttaylor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely! But I learned to be in the moment with each encounter and not try to pressure myself. If you’re well read, informed, self-aware, etc, there will be enough cues for you to pick up on during the interaction to keep the conversation moving. This will include little hints/openings or subtle innuendo that will allow you to shift the focus. What I did was find as many ways to have these conversations without any objective other than being present and in the moment. Maintaining a sufficient level of enthusiasm without it coming off as fake and keeping good eye contact. Later, I developed this smile that indicated that we were both in on what was happening without having to actually verbalize it. Women want a man with value. A certain mojo. They want in on that. After each encounter, I would break down the conversation and highlight the good, the bad, and the ugly throwing out what didn’t work and keeping the things that did. And also figuring out how I could’ve responded to make the conversation more scintillating but never too much. Once I figured that out I used it during future encounters. And so on. I also decided to take the pressure off of myself by looking at this as a learning experience. And it helped me deal with rejection. In fact I looked at the rejection as a way of the girl doing me a favor. I didn’t care if I interacted with 100 different women and only two ended up with successful results. I didn’t get frustrated over my failures, rather I embraced them and used the information to gain success the next time out. I travelled a lot so I was able to have multiple encounters with people I knew I would never see again. And eventually I got to the point where I was able to think on my feet and come up with some pretty clever banter. I became comfortable in my own skin. But, even with my success, I have found that I should never stop learning. There’s always something new to add. And in the end, you end up learning so much about yourself. Sexual encounters notwithstanding, this approach has helped me in other aspects of my life as well.
[–]AsianCabbageVendor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow. Saved! I think the most important step I took recently was realizing that it's just a learning process and that it's okay to be easy on yourself. A lot of people around me refer to me as a high achiever so I can tend to be very hard on myself despite the results but it makes so much sense to me now.. you wouldn't get frustrated and criticize a baby while its learning how to walk right? So in that way I suppose I'm the same. I'm well-read, informed, intelligent, muscular but I need to work on my social cues. It seems to me like I have all the ingredients but I just can't seem to put them all together yet... and it's okay because it's going to take a while.
[–]dirttaylor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Indeed! You’re well on your way...Good Luck!!! Don’t get lost out there.
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have noticed one thing, which is that for most girls I’ve become friends with, it’s always been through another guy.
Yeah I’ve made friends with other girls through some girl, but I became friends with that some girl through a guy.
Only exception had probably been one pretty extroverted girl that made me her friend before she became mine I guess.
So I still have a ways to go, but at least now I’m starting to get a bit more comfortable. Maybe soon I can start talking to girls that I meet myself
[–]dirttaylor 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. That’s a seemingly big hurdle, but definitely an achievable goal. And a big test for one personally. To go in with no safety net, put yourself out there, and succeed. This isn’t just a mindset to focus on one aspect of your life, but all of them. There will always be setbacks, but don’t be deterred. Keep moving forward. Keep growing. Keep improving. One day you’ll look back and wonder what the big deal was. Look at it as a journey, an adventure. And keep a positive attitude.
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[–]dirttaylor 1 point2 points3 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]AsianCabbageVendor 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]dirttaylor 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]AsianCabbageVendor 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]dirttaylor 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AsianCabbageVendor 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dirttaylor 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwaway487921 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dirttaylor 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link