Last time, I made a post about confidence that I suggest you to read here. Today, I'm going to complete it by giving a better insight on how you can become an attractive male.

Love yourself before loving someone. If all you do in your life is lay in your sofa, eat chips, play games, and watch TV, and are disappointed with yourself, you will probably attract someone at some point, but it won't be the partner you were looking for. You will fall for the first girl that comes in your life that matches your lifestyle, out of neediness. I am not saying this is a wrong life choice, at the end of the day you do what you want. However, you attract what you are so if you are not happy with your life, you'll attract someone who is like you. Been there, done that.

The key to be a confident and centered male is to have objectives in your life. Not to impress girls, not to impress your friends, but to motivate yourself. The objectives could be anything, I'll state the most obvious ones:

  • Get fit and muscular.
  • Succeed in your career or studies.
  • Find the most ideal partner.

By having these objectives, you'll work hard to reach them. It doesn't mean you should see results in 1 week, it means you should get out of your habits and start doing things that make you feel uncomfortable.

  • You don't get fit by taking 100 kg the first time you go to work out and then dropping a week later. You get fit by working out every day, with consistency, even when you don't feel comfortable working out. You could just be doing push ups, pull ups and squats, if you do it every day, you'll work for achieving your objective.
  • You don't succeed in your career/studies by pretending you are the best and having ego issues. You succeed by working/studying, by investing your time in these.
  • You don't find the most ideal partner by trying to find her. You find her if you approach girls and ask them out confidently, with consistency.

I'm not telling you that you must work out, have a successful career, and try to find someone, that's not the key message here.

The take-home message is that if you want to achieve an objective, you must work for it and get out of your comfort zone, and not just pretend.

  • When you work out, the comfort zone is laziness. Your brain continuously tells you "do it later", "do it tomorrow", until you have failed doing it and you stop doing it. That's why many drop out.
  • When you work or study, the enemy is procrastination. Your brain tries to prevent you from working or studying because it's a process that consumes energy.
  • When you approach girls, your brain makes you believe that you should not approach her by what we call self-limiting beliefs. Your brain tells you that you are ugly, will piss her off, etc. All the possible lies that it can tell you so you don't take the risk to get rejected. Your brain hates taking risks.

As a man, your biggest obstacle is overcoming this and getting out of your comfort zone. That's what attracts women, when a man knows that he can confidently reach his objectives and doesn't require anyone or anything to make him reach them.

If you know you can get fit, you will do it everyday, even if your brain tells you no. If you know you can succeed this exam, you will do it everyday. If you know you can approach her and ask her out, you will do it. That's why confidence is the key.

To fight negative signals from my brain and get out of my comfort zone, I started taking cold showers in parallel to my other life objectives. These don't allow you to achieve your objectives but to fight your brain. Hot showers are comfortable, they are what your brain tells you to take. Cold showers on the other hand are just a nope. When you start taking them, and before taking them, your brain does all it takes to stop you. However, once in the shower, although it's really difficult at the beginning, your brain accepts it and it gets enjoyable. You get out of the shower motivated to overcome your limits.

That's the mindset you need in life to succeed in general. By having objectives, you'll never be disappointed if a girl says no or if you don't work out a day for instance, this won't prevent you from achieving your objective. You'll be disappointed if you stop working out or if you stop approaching girls because this will prevent you from achieving your objective.

In terms of seduction, you won't be needy nor narcissistic, you won't put girls on a pedestal, and you won't put beauty on a pedestal either because you will consistently work to achieve your objective (find an ideal partner) and you won't give a fuck, because you know that if there is no match with a certain girl, you will approach and ask another girl out.