Keep in mind my AFC-ness is still REALLY bad and the chode is strong with this one. Going anywhere and talking to anyone is a major challenge to me, still, but I'm working through therapy and forcing myself to socialize and approach is part of that.

OK, so I finally have been going out a little with friends. Tonight was with a friend from work and his wife. We hit a club downtown to watch a friend of a friend play a concert. I wasn't concentrating on game, just on the band and letting the bass wash over me.

Halfway through the set, this HB7/8, walks right up, deadpans, "You look awesome tonight." Walks off. I manage a "Thanks!" before she's off and away. I am dumbfounded. This shit Does. Not. Happen. to me. Ever. I've lost a little weight and got a new haircut, but nothing major. I lose track of the girl. No idea where she went. I barely saw her.

So now I'm mad at myself for not reacting. I should have said something, anything but was just blown away by what happened. Finally after being mad at myself for a few minutes I get back into watching the band. The show is over, I hit the head, and on the way back I see that my friend's wife has located this girl and pinned her with a conversation, and introduces us. I am feeling some serious gratitude.

So I talk to her a bit, turns out she's older than me and her daughter (21!) is with her at the show. This woman is totally into me. I compliment her hair and try talking about our jobs / places we live. Typical AFC bullshit stuff, I just couldn't summon any of the things to do into my brain in the moment. I even made up a joke about her "hit and running" me earlier, like "now we need to trade numbers"... but I was too afraid to go through with it.

So, she leaves and heads out the door. I never got her number. I never even tried. I was too scared ; what would the daughter think, what would my friends think, was this something I was really interested in?

In conclusion, I walked away from something I really wanted because of (A) fear and (B) indecisiveness. Now I'm just mad at myself for being a coward and not being sure of myself or what I want.

Still -- this is far better than I've ever done in my life.

Seddit, I will try harder next time. This failure will weigh on me awhile because I am so disappointed in myself.

EDIT LESSONS LEARNED

  1. I got one-itis with the girl that approached me because her approach was so direct. Next time, work the room more and keep options open, since I clearly missed out on other opportunities because I got focused early.

  2. I am attractive enough for women to approach me sometimes so I should probably not worry so much about that and worry more about just opening and conversing (this is huge for me, I have a big hangup here that I am 'not good enough')

  3. Close, close, close, to hell with whatever my brain is whining about, and continue to move instead of freezing up.