So first thing's first, I am aware that I'm totally ripping this title from Aziz Ansari's new book (and probably a multitude of other instances where it has been used), but I really feel like it's the most accurate description of what I'm chronicling (also, if you haven't already, read the book! It's excellent and a quick read). There's something strange and peculiar about dating in today's age, with the ever-growing presence of online dating and the unraveling of traditional gender norms in the dating scene (girls are just as much about keeping it casual as guys are these days). It makes for a scary but exciting time to be on the hunt for romance!

I felt compelled to catalog my experiences navigating the rough terrain of single life in the 21st century. I am a relative novice when it comes to dating, having just ended my first serious relationship a month ago at the age of 26. So while I may not be old relatively speaking, I have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to casual dating.

I thought it would be good to first start with a brief biography, so you guys understand exactly where I'm coming from (I'll only include relevant details):

  • I'm 26 years old. I met my first girlfriend a little over a year ago through a mutual friend. She was 20 at the time. She ended the relationship because she said she got bored and wanted to meet other people (I'll come back to that a little later).
  • I lost my virginity at 23. This was a source of a lot of anxiety for a long time.
  • I live in a medium sized city in Texas. It's not exactly popping with all kinds of singles, but the cupboard isn't entirely bare either
  • This is what I look like (http://imgur.com/a/nu6a2). I honestly don't know where I rank on the attractiveness scale. I've been told that I'm handsome by some, but it's all anecdotal. I just know that I don't have what you'd call classic good looks. I'm not fat, but I do need to lose some weight. I do work out and it shows as I have a bit of bulk. Still kind of flabby though.

Now you have a basic understanding of what I'm working with. When my ex broke up with me, I was a wreck. It was my first break up and it hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before. In reality, it wasn't a very good match, but I cared about her a lot and developed what you guys in the community would call "oneitis." It took me a solid month for the hurt to stop, and even now I catch myself wondering what if. At the time, I didn't pick up on a lot of my behavior and the effects it was having on our relationship, but I fell into the classic nice guy routine. I was always available, always accommodating, never really asserted myself for fear of an unfavorable reaction. I had no sense of self-worth. I felt lucky to be with her even though she didn't satisfy my needs. Time apart made me realize that this kind of behavior not only ruined my relationship, but killed my identity as a person. I lived for others and not myself.

Ultimately, I don't harbor any ill-will towards here and I've maintained a friendship with her since. I realize this kind of goes against a lot of the advice here, but I feel like I'm currently in a good spot to do this. Sure it's tough thinking about her finding love with someone else or fucking some other guy (I just think about it until I stop crying and then I stop feeling altogether...kidding), but I try to stay focused on myself and finding my own happiness.

So the point of this (and subsequent) posts is to kind of break down the different techniques I use to mature and develop as a person and a potential mate. Even this exercise is outside the norm for me, so doing it kind of reaffirms my commitment to try new things.

I know a lot of people (myself included) tend to avoid walls of text like this, and I promise the follow-ups will be shorter and more to the point, but I think it's important for people to put a face to the man behind the post. A lot of times I question how effective some techniques would be if I were use them, as obviously it's easier to pull it off if you're an attractive person. So now that you know what I look like, you can get a better sense of what might work in your particular case.

I will post weekly recaps of my experiences, with commentary of what I was thinking at the time and some of the reasoning that goes on in my head. I hope you guys find this helpful and I look forward to sharing my experiences with you.

TL;DR: Gonna try to meet girls, will tell you how said meetings go and what I did to make them happen.