** Introduction **

I've met a quite few girls through craigslist in the last three weeks. I figured it would be a more effective way to set up dates than using a traditional online dating site, where the process is usually more tedious and requires a significantly longer online interaction before meeting up in-person. At the same time, craigslist is filled with creeps and spammers. Nonetheless, and to my surprise, I've had a lot of success, comparatively. However, the following instance didn't go as I had planned, and it put me on tilt. Guys keep in mind that I've been looking for LTR, and not one night stands.

                          **Part 1: Meet and greet**

I posted an ad on craigslist this Friday, and a cute girl responded to my surprise. We exchanged a few messages and agreed to meet on Sunday evening, as I had prior obligations throughout the weekend. My idea was to invest as little as possible into the first date. Thus I suggested to meet at a cafe near my place and perhaps get a glass of wine a bit later. She turned out significantly better looking in person than in her pictures suggested. In the cafe, we had lovely conversations about her job (she is a waitress and artist, where the former occupation is supporting her as well the latter occupation), family, her and my life. I'd say overall it wasn't bad. When bill arrived, she paid in full (~$40). So I immediately offered to go to a nearby establishment and get a few glasses of wine.

                             **Part 2: Failed kino**

In the second venue, I started introducing kino into the conversation to which she was completely oblivious and non-responsive. Both attempts to kiss failed resulted in her chick and air. She seems, cold, aloof and impervious to kino of any form. At the same time, she was happy to engage in a conversations about sex. I started getting the vibe that I overkino'ed her and the conversations and energy started to ebb. After a few hours, I picked up a tab ($70) and we decided to share a cab. During the ride she suggested to meet up again after her upcoming trip (I wasn't sure whether it was out of politeness or genuine intent, so I didn't respond). When we reached my apartment, I offered to come up to my place. She declined, gave me a hug, and I exited. No communication since.

                             **Conclusion: Failures**

Talked a bit too much about myself - in many instances, tried to relate my experiences to hers. I should have kept information about myself to an acceptable minimum. Perhaps not intentionally, but I did try to elevate my status through stories, thereby qualifying myself to her. Had a few instances of uncomfortable pauses, I think I said a few stupid things to cover the gap. No-no. Asked questions, probably more than I should have. Big no-no was asking her about why her recent 4 year old relationship ended. She didn't want to talk about it. Failed to really listen and understand her needs. After a few failed kino attempts I should have stopped, instead of pressing forward, at least until I got a few laughs. In retrospect, I was telegraphing to her that I can't keep my hands to myself.

                             **Take-aways: How to approach Craigslist girl**
  1. Figure out what the girl wants and act on it. Meet at cafe and transition to a cheap bar in YOUR area, preferably. In the first twenty minutes you should figure out what she wants (sex today, sex tomorrow or never). If you cannot figure out, just ask her confidently, preferably providing a context for it and definitely without imposing, "We're two strangers getting along so well, wonder what you want to get out of this -- it's OK we both adults and you can be honest with me." Obviously she isn't going to tell you that she wants to blow you and ride the shit out of your cock. But her answer, or rather how she answers (watch for cues - like touching the hair, smiling, blushing) should give you enough information to properly ascertain her desired outcome.

  • If it's sex, then escalate in the bar. Once a certain level of kino escalation is reached, stop and begin setting up the context to bounce [to your place]. Two hours should be sufficient, any time after that, decreases your chance to F-close. 4 hours is overstaying the welcome and likely result in a dry night.

  • If sex is NOT in the cards on the first date. Keep the date one hour max, utilize kino to a bare minimum (kiss on a chick, hug) to show that you're comfortable with her. Be gentleman (open the door for her, help her with the jacket, etc. You should do this regardless!). Then find a high moment in the conversation and politely excuse yourself and leave. Something like this "Well, we have to do this again, I'm sorry that I have to end it here" will suffice. Important: Make her invested, by either splitting the bill or her spending time in commute.Talk about her life, concerns, aspiration. Show that you're a good listener and care about what's important to her. Fake it until you make it.

  1. Talk less about yourself. Actually don't say anything about yourself unless she asks, and answer with a open-ended story, vaguely, etc., so she digs further. Make sure to have a few threads of conversations going and alternate between them. 3 should probably be the maximum.

  2. On the first date, start with generic questions, and progress to specifics about ones.

  3. Use more statements, less questions in the conversation

  4. Humor, busting her chops, challenge is a MUST.

  5. Prepare a few stories about current events, your recent fun activities. Try making the latter relevant to her interests. This means RESEARCH as much as you can about her her, both for YOUR safety and rapport building reasons (google, facebook, linkedin). A really good idea to create a text file with all the information about her you can find and on relevant stuff you can talk about. DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

  6. Don't attach yourself "to get laid" outcome, but instead focus on having fun together.

  7. Eye contact and body language; sit comfortably. Feel like you're the best thing that happened to her tonight, but don't take the advantage of that and become a jerk. It's mostly for projecting confidence and feeling comfortable in your own skin.Here are some easy behaviors to practice: Talk slower, Wait an extra beat before replying to someone, Making more direct eye contact (most people don't make enough), Hold eye contact longer, Correct your posture (most people's posture is terrible)

  8. If she offers to pay, DO NOT REJECT, instead, tell her you will cover the next round. THIS ONE IS BIG -- I will say it again: DO NOT REJECT WHEN SHE OFFERS TO PAY. Don't even suggest to split. SIMPLY TELL HER "Thanks [insert her name], next round is on me." Optionally you can add, "I am not that easy, but you have positive momentum".

  9. Have fun, obey 10 commandments, constantly improve, embrace and love the failures, invest into stuff you're passionate about, always pick up new hobbies( not just pickup and seduction) and you will be getting laid like A ROCK STAR OR/AND find the girl of your dreams.