Thursday night, I went out with a girl I found on OKCupid. Here's the entirety of our OKC conversation from Tuesday:

Me: What kind of instrument are you learning? Insert Korean instrument?

Her: Yes, Korean instrument has a lot of strings

Me: Twelve strings, right? How long have you been playing?

Her: Yes! I'm just starting

Me: Do you have texting app?

Her: Yes, app username

Lesson: When you're messaging people on OKC, for the love of God, say anything other than "hey you're cute!" Show that you've read their profile, found an interesting point, and demonstrate some knowledge of it. Your response rate will shoot skyward. And don't fuck around chatting forever. Get the number ASAP.

I don't really care to go back and look at our conversation, but I joked around with her a bit, chatted a bit in Korean, and quickly set up an open ended date for Thursday night in my area. We met around 9:30 PM and I said I just wanted to go for a walk. I told her I had a surprise for her, so I just lead her to a nearby park. A major bridge has light shows at night that use fountains of water. It's actually pretty fucking cool. Lesson: You don't always need some complicated plan for a date, particularly a first date.

On the way to the park, as we were crossing a street, I grabbed her hand and didn't let go. She was really surprised by how confident I was and laughed about it, but didn't pull her hand away. Before that, I had been doing some very low level kino on her arms, so it wasn't out of nowhere, but she wasn't expecting it at all, either. Lesson: Be bold. Don't be afraid to escalate.

We walked to the bridge and talked about dumb bullshit. I don't even remember what. It honestly doesn't matter. No one is ever going to remember the first conversation they have with you. We sat down on some steps where a bunch of people were waiting. I put my arm around her waist as we talked. I let my hand fall on her legs while we were talking. I teased her a bit by letting my fingertips trail ever so softly over her thighs. She reciprocated kino by rubbing my arms and tracing her fingers over my tattoo. There was also quite a bit of slightly-veiled sexy talk flying around, getting wet, bendy, eating, etc... Lesson: Escalating doesn't just mean moving kino forward, you should also be using your words to escalate her mood. A calm, steady voice while you're looking her in the eye as you're thinking about the dirty shit you want to do to her and hinting at it with your words will take you miles down the road to getting laid.

Unfortunately, we missed the last light show of the night, so after perhaps 20 minutes of waiting, I suggested we grab a beer and have a drink along the river. We walked until we found a bench, so we sat for awhile. More of the same for awhile, but the bench was in a high traffic area, so it was hard to escalate beyond hands and legs. I suggested we walk a bit more and led her to a part of the river that had a boardwalk that was dark and separated from the rest of the park by tall grass. Shit was on.

I mentioned earlier in the night that my hobbies included martial arts and boxing, so she asked me to teach her how to do something. I told her I'd show her how to get away from someone who's grabbing your wrists. I used it to get up into her personal space, then pulled her close, grabbed her ass and kissed her. She didn't hesitate an instant. We kissed for perhaps ten seconds, then I pulled away. After we kissed, she sighed audibly and laid her head on my chest. That feel. Lesson: Two-parter. First of all, have hobbies. If you have something you're passionate about, that's an extremely attractive thing. It doesn't have to be some "classically attractive" activity. Fucking anything. Demonstrate some knowledge. Secondly, the kiss was accepted so easily because of all the previous kino. There should never be that big "Oh my god, pressure!" moment after you've spent four hours on a coffee date without touching her. Kissing should just be the next natural step in the interaction.

While we stood on the boardwalk, I escalated pretty far. I kissed her, sucked and licked on her neck and ears (which drove her fucking crazy -- she had to cover her mouth so no one would hear her moan), grabbed her ass, massaged her breasts, etc... She turned so her butt was against my crotch and grinded into me. I kissed her from behind. I offered her a ride on my motorcycle, because she had expressed interest when I mentioned it before, and she gladly accepted. As we walked back to my motorcycle:

Her: Where are we going?

Me: My apartment.

Lesson: Lead the interaction. You don't need to ask permission. I had no reason not to believe that this girl wouldn't come back to my apartment.

Once we got back to my apartment, she seemed a minor bit reluctant to come in. She gave me some shit test about having to be careful, I'm going to kidnap her, etc... I don't know. I wasn't really listening. I just ignored whatever she said and kissed her. Then she was ready to come inside. I told her she was only allowed to come inside for five minutes and she wasn't allowed to touch me. That didn't last very long. Lesson: While I usually go with the agree and amplify tactic when dealing with shit tests, lately I've just been ignoring them completely. Shit tests are exactly that -- bullshit. I don't need to waste time and energy thinking up some "clever, alpha" response.

Once inside, the making out picked up right back where we left off. Sex wasn't in the cards for the night, but it took the girl numerous tries to get the will power to leave. There was a lot of "I should go..." to which I responded "Yeah, okay, you can go" and then I'd just kiss her again. I walked her to a bus stop and set up a Day 2 for tonight for Mexican food and Blue Moon, two hard to find things in Korea that she misses from her time in America. Lesson: Another two-parter. A lot of LMR can be dissolved by agreeing with her protestations in word and continuing to kino. If her body is sending a different message than her words, listen to her body. If she really doesn't want to do something, she'll make it clear, and you have to respect that. When it comes to Day 2s, to keep a girl from flaking pay attention to the goddamn details. Suggest doing something you had both expressed interest in earlier in the night.

So, that was a pretty good date, but just as easily as women come, just as easily do they go.

On the flip side.

Last night, I met a girl I've been involved with for about two months. The relationship was never clearly defined, but we'd hang out 2-3 times a week and usually have sex at least once or twice. She told me she had something she wanted to talk about. She said she really liked spending time with me, that I'm a great guy, etc... but she just didn't have those feelings for me. She got really upset and started crying because she felt guilty since I didn't "do anything wrong" or upset her. She was afraid that I'd get upset and say I never wanted to see her again, wouldn't want to hang out with her, etc... My reaction surprised even myself. I just smiled and assured her it was okay. I told her that I completely understood what she was feeling, that I wasn't upset, and that we could still continue being friends and hang out. We hugged it out and then went dancing for an hour or so before I left to go home.

It was a mini-epiphany. When I think about my days as a younger man, a rejection like this would've crushed me. It probably would've come after months of silent yearning on my part which eventually came to a head and I blurted out my feelings that turned out to be unrequited. Context is so important. Now it's coming after several months of a healthy, sexual relationship, but also one that was a genuinely friendly one -- we spent a lot of time around each other not having sex and still enjoyed each other's company.

You could argue that part of the reason that it doesn't bother me is because I just had a date with another girl. You wouldn't be wrong, either. A big part of how the interaction was based in my abundance mindset. Before I found seddit, I would've been so afraid to lose a girl that something like this would've shattered me. Now I have a lot more experience with women, from one night stands, FWB and honest, exclusive relationships. The idea that I won't be able to get another girl interested in me is laughable to me at this point.

But the most important, underlying issue is my inner game. Abundance mentality is just a product of having strong inner game. You can have abundance mentality without having experienced abundance yet. How did I get my inner game that tight? Just look back at my FR. The whole interaction seems so fluid and effortless that it could've been scripted. I knew a cool, interesting place to take a girl on a unique date, I demonstrated high value through my passion for my hobbies, and I separated myself from her countless experiences with other guys who were lame.

I worked on myself for myself, not to impress a girl. I would never suggest you try to do something just to pick up women. It will be a hollow action and while you may have some success with it, you'll be unhappy with it. Spend some time seriously thinking about who you are. Is there something you've always wanted to do? Start fucking do it. In the past several months, I've picked up boxing and stand-up comedy. They were both things I've always been interested in but never done. I'm having a great time learning both and it only boosts my confidence. It's something I enjoy doing for myself.

Like the saying goes: Build it and they will come.