I had a really interesting reversal experience at a music festival this past weekend that I thought was appropriate for this sub. How to make an approach go wrong. (hint: it's not talking)

There I was, sitting on a picnic table next to a friend, watching the show in front of me. A couple girls then showed up to watch and make use of the otherwise empty picnic table. First, both stand beside me - one standing on the table (I was seated) and the other standing on the ground beside her. I paid them no real mind as I was focusing on the show rather than picking up. A few songs go by, probably 10 minutes or so, and one of them then decides to take a seat next to me, while her friends sat on the opposite side of the table (I was seated with my back to the table, facing the show - they were seated facing the table from the opposite side, facing the show and the back of my head).

She sits down pushing against me slightly. I figure she's trying to make the best of the available area beside me (there wasn't much and I'm an asshole who's not about to make room for someone who's just going to push) so I ignore it at first. Within a couple minutes after she sat down next to me I can feel her eyes on me. Just staring. Then she half turns to talk to her friends and resumes staring. Everything I do, she's watching. Every time I look over to my friends on the other side (she's on the right, they're on the left), I see her move slightly so she can see what I'm looking at. Clearly, this girl wants something from me, but I'm not budging. And I didn't. We sat there like that for most of the set until my friends were ready to leave at which point I unceremoniously left her sitting there with a quizzical look on her face trying to figure out how that went so wrong for her. I'm going to tell you.

Sitting there, staring blankly at a person, while your friends muffle their giggles behind you, how is that not supposed to make someone uncomfortable? Best case scenario: I haven't even opened my mouth yet and I'm already on some kind of pedestal, so high they can't even eke out a hello. How could I ever live up to that? Worst case scenario: They're setting me up to make fun of me, who wants to make that any easier?

Let's go back to that best case scenario again for a second. I've been judged to belong on this pedestal based on my appearance, that's all. I belong up there 'cause I'm pretty, or something. That's a bigger fall from grace, if I do fall, than simply starting on a level playing field. How bad must my personality be if I can turn off a woman who's so immediately attracted to me to put me on this unable-to-speak pedestal? I'm always more interested in substance than style, and subsequently am more interested in women who are interested in that substance, how would I ever know whether or not I'm just pretty arm candy if I'm already so far up on that pedestal before she knows anything about me?

Now, I so easily could have made this easier. I could've simply struck up a conversation with her, learned the truth to her sitting there and her friends' giggles, made a new friend. Who knows, it could've gone somewhere. But it didn't. Not because it couldn't, or because either of us were taken, or because I wasn't attracted to her (truth be told, I never really noticed how physically attractive she was, didn't get a good look); it didn't because she couldn't engage me with her words.

tl;dr: Girl tried to pick me up by rubbing up against me and not saying a word. Didn't work.

All I could think once she'd started staring at me was "this is how pretty girls feel when guys are intimidated by them." It's fuckin' CREEPY. There. I used it. That word everyone's so scared of. Creepy. That's how I felt. Not only that, but that sort of situation really plays on a person's insecurities. I don't know why you can't talk to me, I only know that you can't, and so my mind's going to make up anything it feels like to fill in the blanks. Maybe I'm scared you're simply on the prowl for a guy to get naked and tie up to a tree and you can't speak because you're scared you'll spill the beans. I'm not going to go out of my way to talk to you just so you can tie me up to a tree.

Just talk to her, or him, or whomever it is you're in to. Use your words, they are powerful. If you're sitting next to someone you want to talk to, tap them on the shoulder and talk; don't sit there staring at them waiting to lock eyes hoping fireworks go off and you immediately start banging - it won't happen.