TL;DR: Ran into girl I like at a bar, encouraging at first but probably overstayed my welcome, felt like shit but tried not to let it get me down.

I realize that my reactions may appear extreme or immature in this post, but I wanted to write it as I was experiencing it, not from a coldly analytical point of view. So please read it with that in mind.

So I was going to Location A that I like on Saturdays but I was in the area a few hours early, so I went into Location B first. This girl calls to me from one of the tables, and who is it but Miss Q! I work with Miss Q. Not closely, in fact I hardly ever see her. But ever since I met her I had a bit of a crush on her. She's the type of person like Erin from the Office or Kaylee from Firefly. Simple and happy, you know. Perhaps "the girl next door" is also referring to this idea. Anyway, I was looking at someone earlier wishing it was her, pondering the odds of running into her, and here she is! So I come over to their table. It's her and a friend. The guy is just some random guy who decided to sit down there and they were trying to figure out a way to get rid of him, and I'm a perfect solution. So I order a drink and take his seat. Now Miss Q is being very friendly. She keeps darting toward my face every time she speaks, and she starts asking me all these questions. I try some physical contact, like touching her arm, shoulder, lower back. That's supposed to help, right?

She suggests I text Syzzyx, another coworker that lives in the area, the one I am closest to personally. I text, "I ran into Miss Q from work, we're at Location B." He replies, "WTF are you doing at Location B?" "Picking up chicks, what do you think?" I say. "Atta boy. say hi to Miss Q for me." is his reply. She starts asking me questions about him, revolving around his relationship with his girlfriend. She is of the opinion that he should not have gotten back to her, since from everything he says, she sounds like a huge bitch. I explain that while I agree, he's been through a lot of girlfriends in the past, and it seems that he's willing to sacrifice a lot to have a girlfriend, so it is what it is. She says that well, we all have problems. What's yours, I ask. She says it's drinking excessively. I ask how much has she had so far. Half a bottle of wine and the beer. Ah-ha, that explains the friendliness.

We then talk about our cats (she says I should meet her cat sometime), where I'm from (I explain that I arrived on a boat coming across the ocean, but then clarify that it was actually a spaceship floating on the water), and so on. It's all going fairly well. I tell them about Location A and they say they like that place, so I think it's a possibility that we'll all go together. They get their food (the place was switching into club mode, so it was a race against disco). Every now and then I talk to her friend, inquire into their relationship, and so forth.

But then she starts talking about work. Like, explaining to me in great detail how she feels that marketing is being blamed unfairly when the real blame should lie with sales. I know this is going to end badly, because complaining about work is a bottomless pit that has swallowed up entire cities. So I try to change the subject but of course it doesn't work. I tell her that I just finished watching The Wire and it's given me a lot of perspective on these things, that everyone is responsible to somebody and everyone is just working with what they have. I ask her how she ended up in marketing. She says she studied journalism because she likes to write, but didn't want to be a journalist, so she fell in to marketing. I sympathize, since I studied electrical engineering but ended up programming. But now she's thinking maybe she should go back to school for nursing or something.

Either it's the conversation about work or it's the food altering her mental state, but she becomes distant around this time. Like, sits straight in her seat instead of leaning over to me. And starts talking to her friend instead of me. I try to work with this a little while longer, but then decide it's time for another drink. I walk over to the bar and try to order. There are these two older Asian women drinking cokes. "Are you drinking cokes?" I ask. They explain that they're from St. Louis visiting Boston, they're housewives and they're on a "good girls trip out." I try to inquire about what they've seen and what's good in St. Louis and so on, and the conversation actually goes fairly well. I get my drink and I return to Miss Q.

They've gotten up as their table was taken away. I relate to her what the two asians told me. She tells me that I'm really outgoing and she didn't think that about me. No one's ever told me that. I mean, I'm not outgoing. So of course I sabotage myself and say, "I am when the situation calls for it." And she says, "But you are!" And I say, "Well, there are shades of gray." And she says, "But that makes it complicated." And I say, "Yeah." We talk a bit about music. How she likes rock, not the pop they play at the bar. My kind of girl after all! At this point we're standing, she's shaking her hips to the music and really close to me, putting her face in mine again. But foolishly I think that I will have a better, more private opportunity to kiss her, so I don't at this time.

She and her friend suggest we do some shots. I tell them I'm down and walk to the bar. Miss Q is standing at the bar, and trying to order while I talk to her friend. Then suddenly Miss Q decides that we're not having shots after all. She can't handle them, she says. And she says that I shouldn't let them get in the way of my plans, that is going to Location A. "It's flexible," I say. "I'm enjoying your company." But they are acting all distant, and completely not interacting with me, so I walk around the place, order another drink, etc. I think by now that they've left because I don't see them anywhere. The asians are dancing by themselves so I try to engange them again, but of course they're being good. I walk back, and there is Miss Q at the bar. "I thought you'd left," I said. She doesn't really respond. So I walk around a little while longer and then I see her fastwalking out of the bar.

I decide I can use the excuse that I'm finally going to Location A and walk out some seconds later. She is a few yards away, talking to and making out with some guy. I assume this was someone she had been planning to meet, not just a random stranger. But at this point I feel like my heart is being squeezed like a lemon and nothing but pain is coming out. I hide in a doorway for a while, then walk over to Location A, which is a block away. I can still dimly see her while standing in the line. Is she talking to a different guy now? I can't tell. I know the one thing I cannot do at this point is try to talk to her again. I lost the one opportunity to kiss my favorite girl in the world, and now she is in a sweaty orgy with dozens of guys that I could have been part of if only I had done something differently.

I stay at Location A and try to smile. Be friendly with the staff, some of whom know me by now. Text Syzzyx saying "As usual I've failed at life." Open the girls sitting at the bar about the strange video playing on the TV. They agree with me that it's strange but difficult to look away from. I look it up on my iPhone. Turns out it's Forbidden Planet, a 70s sci fi cartoon. It doesn't go any further with them. They didn't seem too interested anyway. I dance by myself, try to talk to some more people, drink more. Walk back over to Location B a few hours later, but she's not there. Return to Location A. And eventually the night ends and I go home, punch the wall a few times, and fall asleep on my couch.

Now, I should be happy. I mean, a year ago, I would have been way worse at this. I would have been paralyzed with fear, in fact. I had never even gone into Location B until something like 9 months ago. But still, it seems like sometimes you never win. And now I wake up more sober and think, maybe she's not who I thought she was.