Hi guys,

I'd like some outside opinion about my situation. My situation isn't about seduction, but I think this subreddit is more than sedution. Seddit is about the aim to achieve personal excellence in human interaction.

A little background via self-reflection: I am not selfish, but I also mostly don't give a damn about most things. I go through life pretty mathematically and systematically. I try not to think about too much that is outside of my circle of influence. On the inside, I think I am pretty cold and heartless - weird enough, most people don't see that. On the other hand, I am also quite friendly. I am funny and pretty clever. A lot of people respect me because I am hard-working, smart, and not too full of myself. I am probably the quickest person I know who will admit wrong. I am not a prideful person. I am quiet and I am loud. I don't have much emotion toward a lot of things. I find that I am quite emotionally distant from people - although when people talk I ask questions, and try to find out what they are about, but I don't know if I am really empathizing an appropriate amount. Sometimes, when others empathize, their reaction is really obvious, and I am not reactive like that. I feel like I am viewing the world from inside to the outside... like peeking through the window that are my eyes. I live in a dichotomous world, where I think people love me, yet I don't know if they even like me. I feel so detached from others, even though I am pretty confident and people enjoy being around me, and hearing my lame jokes. I have a hard time telling whether people like me or not. I feel that I don't really connect with others. I rarely miss anyone, but I often have fun when I hang out with others. When I don't see someone for about a month, I think to myself that they no longer care about me. I am not depressed, but I often have dichotomous feelings about friends/people based on my mood.

I hope the above long paragraph shows you the type of person I am, which helps you understand the situation I am explaining below.

About two years ago, I met a girl. She has a boyfriend. I never really wanted anything more than her friendship - I really value her friendship. As I got to know her better, I noticed that we have a lot in common, we have similar points of views, we see the world in a similar manner, which is kinda nice, because I don't think that about the majority of people I meet. When I'd drop her off at home, she'd not leave the car and just sit and we'd talk for a couple of hours - this happened quite often for a long time. I concluded that she didn't hate me. She is also a very friendly person, so I wasn't sure if she was just being friendly or she appreciated my company more than others'. At some point she did mention that she really enjoys my company. I typically prefer not that jump to such conclusions, unless it's actually mentioned explicitly. Whenever she would see me her face would light up and she'd get a little smirk. I'd tell her that I noticed that. She'd also tell me that she misses me at various times, and we'd often send each other friendly nonsensical text all the time. I'd like to stop you before you guys say that she was hinting at things, by saying that she'd also always mention her boyfriend and how much she likes him and so on. This whole time, I am really enjoying her company and more of my human side is coming out. This is the type of friendship that I have always longed for. Due to differing work schedules, we began to see less of each other, but I'd still see her face light up when she saw me. She told me that her boyfriend got slightly jealous that we have been getting so close, and some of her friends were making childish remarks about our interactions. I told her that I think that although it will be to my displeasure, it may mean that we'll hang out less because of those thing, and that that'd be a typical behavioral pattern. I don't really remember her response. A few days ago, I told her something that I rarely say to anyone. After seeing her face light up once again, and asking her to hang out, I said that I don't get to see her and I miss her, and I asked if she missed me. She paused, looked up to the right and said she did. I playfully said that she is lying because she looked away. Moments later I realized what I had just said, kinda made me revert back to my awkward teenage SAP years.

In my experience, whenever someone had asked me whether I'd miss them, I'd say yes, but that'd be a complete lie, so I am not really sure how "normal" people feel about these things, and they are told these things.

I am sorry for my stream of consciousness there. I am just not really good at expressing how I feel.

I am not really sure what an appropriate level of affection in this situation would be. I am not really sure if my comments are seen as SAPish and off-putting. I feel that I am so socially backwards sometimes that I cannot even show an appropriate level of emotion.

I apologize if I am not completely clear here, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.