After a long hiatus, I'm back in "the game". By long, I mean long. I haven't approach a woman in 10 years. So ya, I went out a couple of nights ago and decide that was going to change. I've been lurking here for a few weeks and watching a youtube channel that's help me better understand how to go about it. So I thought I would share my experience with you guys.

Firstly, I was expecting failure and I was fine with that. I was viewing as an exercise mostly. I didn't want to be the guy that sits at home over analyzing everything and doing jack shit. I knew that I was rusty and was going to make a lot of mistakes, but fuck it. I wanted to go out there and get rejected and learn from it.

The first girl I approached sitting at a bar. I just opened by asking her what she thought about Tinder. I figure everybody has an opinion on that and it makes it pretty clear what your intentions are. Although it is a bar, so... maybe that's not really an issue. It worked well to get some conversion going, but I could tell fairly early on that she wasn't really attracted to me. I thought "that's fine", and wanted to see if I could take this anywhere, even if it means outright rejection. She hadn't shown any IOIs; actually, the reverse. Again; fuck it. Power through this and see where it goes. Result: I didn't even ask her for her number. This is because I never really got past the hook point. I was asking open questions, and getting her to open up a bit, but she never really asked me anything or showed any interest. Overall, I think I did ok, considering that this girl was a pretty strong girl, with a dominant personality. Kinda the leader of the group. Pretty, but also aggressive and is used to guys being intimidated by her.

Mistakes:

  • When I did get her to open up a bit about herself, I was trying to tease her a little more, but my comments were probably a little bit too cutting. That probably turned her off. I guess because she was a little bit intimidating, I thought I had to be tougher on her. Lesson learned, when the dominant girl shares a bit of personal info about herself, it's time to take the teasing back a bit and tell her things that builds up her value and makes her feel good about herself.

  • Got too drunk. This affected my conversation skills a bit. This was only my 3rd drink of the night, but that bartender mixed some serious punch into those drinks. This made me say a few stupid, poorly worded things. Lesson: probably better to stick to beer.

Positives:

  • I kept mostly positive and confident in myself even in the face of failure. I kept leading and kept the conversation going. I managed to keep things playful and not boring as fuck, despite the little set back at the end because of being too drunk.

  • I was quite confident in taking control. Example: During a lull, when she had turned her attention away from me, I caught myself saying "Ashley, can I get your attention again please." But really with a period and not a question mark. I was actually surprised at how confident that sounded as it came out of my mouth.

Overall Impression: I think this was a losing battle from the start, as she clearly indicated that she wasn't physically attracted to me, but a good first approach of the night, especially to get the rust off.

After the bar, my friend and I ended up at an alcohol-free dance party, to sober up. I half hardheartedly approached 2 more girls there, plus 1 more girl whose number I got.

The first one turned out to be a little too young. I realized that only after I started talking to her. I guess I could have continued anyway, but it threw me off a bit. On the other hand, this was an alcohol-free event. She looked like she was in her early 20s, but I REALLY didn’t want to end up messing with a girl who could potentially be even younger than that.
The second dance girl, I just didn't feel it. This was probably a mistake, but after the first rejection with a girl who showed no IOI, I chickened out. I should have done it anyway, if only as another exercise.
The last dance girl I talked to, I got her phone number. I her case though, she clearly showed some interest. All I had to do was approach her and say "hi" and it was a done deal. This one was very natural, and I really didn't have to do anything out of the ordinary. Just let the conversation flow a bit and then ask her. She's really pretty and I look forward to going out with her, but I don't feel like I learned too much from an approach point of view. Still, some lessons:

  • I never saw any IOIs on the dance floor from the 3rd girl, even though it was clear that she was into me on the way out. She pretty much ambushed me with an amazing smile and forced me to go talk to her :) Lesson: make eye contact and smile on the dance floor, but don't read too much into anything. Women be dancing. Nothing more to it.

  • She asked me if I lived within walking distance. I should have explored the option of her wanting to fuck that night. Poor logistics made this pretty much impossible. Lesson: Plan better next time.

That's it for now. Thanks for reading.

EDIT:

One more lesson from the dance party.

  1. I noticed 2 more girls looking at me, smiling. I responded a little too aggressively by looking them up and down. Lesson: tone it down a bit. If you're a guy out at night, trying to pick up girls, most women have you pegged already. No need to clarify your intentions. A friendly smile and open body language is probably enough. Save the sexual aggression for day time game.