Having some mental block/libido issues

CatchAndRelease · 2011-03-13T10:41:08+00:00

Hey Bro, I think I know what your going through. The problem is that most HB 6-8 are intimidated by very attractive males and don't respond the same as they do with an average/good looking guy. On the other hand, HB 8-10 are hard to get, because they require experience normally gained from HB 6-8.

Instead of trying to pickup girls, try to make new friends. By doing this you will gain the experience you need to hit on girls. Baby steps first.

frogma · 2011-03-13T06:07:49+00:00

Are you absolutely positive it's low libido and not just nerves? How about you find a hot girl and just talk to her? Then see what happens, escalate, and fuck her if you want. Or find a different girl if it doesn't work out. I don't see how your low libido would prevent you from doing it if you just do it.

Edit: And I'm not sure how you would know how high or low your libido is, considering...

Double Edit: I looked through some of your other posts. Are you 24 or 22? You seem to have said you're both. I don't care either way, but it's probably best to get your age right.

Triple Edit: I looked through some more of your posts. I feel like you should be having more success by now- your limiting beliefs must be huge or something. No offense, man, but I feel like even if you're talking to like 20 girls a day, maybe you should talk to more. If you're not talking to 20, talk to 20.

inthrees · 2011-03-13T06:21:20+00:00

Ok, problem solved. It won't be comfortable.

Go out to whatever venue you have in mind and strike up conversations with girls / buy them drinks / whatever with the intention of getting shot down, not getting phone numbers, etc. And I don't mean "because maybe you'll get lucky!" No, fuck that. I mean seriously, you won't. Don't expect it, so you're not dissapointed when it's over and you didn't get it / didn't GET IT. Get shot down, brushed off, eyes rolled at, all of that.

And I don't mean intentionally MAKE that happen by being a jerk. Be the yourself you wish you were. Be witty if you can manage it, crack jokes, even lame ones, complement their hair and shoes, be that sly flirt who isn't overtly flirting but is engaging. You can be a LITTLE bit of a dick, because that works.

But again, it won't.

The point of all of this is not for you to wind up back at home making yet another forever alone comic, but for you to get comfortable talking to girls you find attractive. Because for the novice / shy / inexperienced guy, talking to a girl he finds attractive is like tying a ten pound weight to his tongue and a fifty pound weight to his brain. You need to work through that.

And that's all I'm gonna suggest. I'm not gonna say "And in 3 weeks you'll be blank-deep in blank! Because you won't. But you'll be more comfortable talking to random hotties, which is blank steps closer to blank.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-03-13T09:38:14+00:00

So I'm a virgin at 22 (I'll admit it I don't care)

Of course you care, or you wouldn't be posting here.

My snap judgement based on too little information: yes, you have some sexual hangups. You already sense this. I recall reading some materials about solving your "sexual shame," it's a self-limiting belief that you aren't able to express yourself sexually because it's shameful or socially unacceptable. Well we sedditors are here to inform you otherwise. At your age, you should be getting laid and enjoying it, and the girls you are with will enjoy it too.

Alas, I can't recall where I read about this problem, or how to solve it. It didn't seem notable to me, as sexual shame is not my problem (I solved any lingering problems during several long term relationships). I will look around for this, but maybe another sedditor will recognize that material and chip in with a link.

I think you're caught in a vicious circle, well known to many AFCs. You have approach anxiety, so you try to force yourself to approach, increasing the anxiety, and this feeds back into your system with even more intense memories of fear associated with approaching girls. So you've got to break it down. The goal isn't "Talk with x girls tonight." Take it in simpler, easier steps. The goal is to talk to ANY girl and just say hello. Eject after that if you must, but approach again and again, and this will all feel easier with time.

There are plenty of pua manuals describing techniques to combat AA, look in the seddit sidebar for links to useful materials. Read and study some, they work. I went from terrible AA to being pretty fearless, with only a few weeks of simple approaching. It gets a lot easier once you've done it a few dozen times, and know what to expect and how most people will react to you and your approach methods.

And oh by the way, in the future, please post questions to AskSeddit.

2011-03-13T13:59:44+00:00

A piece of advice I've been giving here may help you: go somewhere you are forced to talk to girls. I've been going to language exchanges that happen in bars. After one month of going 2-3 times per week I have almost zero trouble approaching now. The girls are there to learn English (although lately I've been mostly talking to Americans and Germans) so they want to be approached for conversation. Last Thursday I opened a set of 3 girls, HB6, HB7 and HB8. I got a decent rapport with the HB7 and got all of them to laugh quite naturally. Later on I saw the same set standing alone surrounded by about 6 guys. All of the guys obviously wanted to talk to the girls but were too chicken to open.

I still have anxiety when I go to clubs but the exercise of opening and establishing rapport on the girls at the language exchange is drastically improving my abilities. At first I gave myself points just for going out. Then I gave myself points for opening anyone (guys or girls). Then I gave myself points for opening sets of just women. Now I'm working on conversations that aren't interview-style and escalating kino. I rarely get burned on approach but only about 1/4 opens leads to a decent conversation (something other than: Where ya from, what do ya do). I haven't gotten any further than light kino.

Maybe language exchange isn't your thing. But find somewhere you can practice. Find somewhere that you can approach women and they expect to have to talk to you. Join a club, or a night class, or whatever. Somewhere you are basically required to meet new people every week.

Title	Having some mental block/libido issues
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	7
Date	March 13, 2011 6:01 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/g2z5w/having_some_mental_blocklibido_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/having-some-mental-blocklibido-issues.1316397 https://theredarchive.com/post/1316397

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