So this may end up being a rant or a plea or whatever but right now I'm just feeling like absolute garbage after a week and a half of up and down emotions and I need to get some of this off my chest.

I've never been "good" with girls. I'm 20 and i've only had sexual experiences with a small sampling of women. I'm a short guy. I've had major self-confidence issues throughout my whole life that I've struggled with and have overcome to a great extent. I've been told by some girls that I am extremely attractive. There was a time in my life where it was impossible for me to see this. As time has gone by, especially in the past year, I have been able to see it more and more.

I'm in college now, about to be a junior. It seems throughout a lot of my time there that people just want to hook up. They want to have fun. I can understand that I guess. But I am not like those people. I have never really wanted a one night stand or just to "hook up". It just doesn't appeal to me and I don't really get it. What I want more than anything else is a meaningful relationship. I want to know a girl well. I want to lay in bed with her on a saturday afternoon and just cuddle, talk, and have sex. I want to tell a girl that I love her, because I have never said that to a girl before. This may sound ridiculous and I'm sure some asshole will call me queer for saying this shit. I'm told by many to not waste your college years on relationships and just have fun, and I would love nothing more at this point honestly than to be able to feel this way.

Just recently I met a girl who I thought was absolutely amazing. We hit it off so well. We had great sexual chemistry, we had a lot in common, and things were just so great. This is only the second girl I've had an extended sexual relationship with, so maybe it's just that, but I started to feel a really strong emotional connection toward her. I started to think, "maybe this is it. maybe i'm going to find this connection i've been looking for my whole life". After a while, I was certain that this was the right girl. But then all of the sudden she dumped me. The relationship got "too serious" for her. I'm not here to discuss what happened between me and her because that's for a separate thread but I was absolutely crushed. Honestly, I'm still crushed. And that's what caused me to write this.

Right now I feel so lost. I want to be able to just have casual flings and be ok with that. I really do. Because that makes so much more sense. But that's not the way my brain seems to be wired. I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment after disappointment. I have too high standards because I feel like I can only hook up with somebody who is "relationship material" in my eyes. I want to change this so badly but I really do not know how. Right now I am just feeling a lot of despair about my situation and I could really use some encouraging advice.

Thanks.