For context:

1) I'm a 29yoF 2) English is not my native language (sorry if my post is poorly written or something is not clearly explained) 3) I struggle with mental health issues and Im in the process of getting an autism diagnosis

Long story short, Im 29 and Ive never been particulary interested in dating mostly because its too much work. I struggle to understand non-verbal cues so I dont know how to recognize if a guy is showing romantic and/or sexual interest on me until things turn very awkward. In the past Ive had a few male friends who asked me out after years of friendship but I wasnt attracted to them romantically or sexually so I turned them down. That made me feel guilty because I dont know if I did something to make them think I was 'into' them that way. Ive never dated, kissed anyone or had sex. Growing up I had serious self esteem issues and fear of emotional or sexual intimacy. As Ive grown older, Ive worked on my mental issues and I think Im more open to the prospect of dating but Im too 'rusty' for this -crap- and I have no patience for guys not being clear with their intentions from day 1. Honesty and clarity will be greatly appreciated.