I started this post mostly because of this article.

I've mostly been a nerdy, skinny-fat kid in high school and college, still am (23 y.o.), and couldn't really give a fuck or value my own physical appearance until the end of high school.

But in the past 6 years I've had wildly fluctuating levels of 'confidence', and I think I have a pretty good idea why. There are periods in any given year when I hit the gym and start eating well. When I get physically fit, I feel really good about myself, bordering on narcissism because I end up thinking I'm really good looking. I notice that people, especially women, start treating me very differently. I think that's partly because people naturally gravitate towards people who look like they take care of themselves or look good, and partly because of my increased self-esteem.

Because I mostly keep to myself and my own interests, my increased confidence in my looks and general social interactions allows me to indulge in my anti-social activities and care less about others(if that makes any sense). But naturally, I end up losing motivation to keep myself in shape and end up feeling pretty unattractive (and probably look so) and feel like people start treating differently than when I am fit.

So the obvious problem is that I've slowly started placing more importance on looking good, and the opinions of others.

Of course, I could keep working out and eating well for the entire year and the rest of my life to maintain this fake confidence. But as I get older, keeping in shape is going to get harder, my hair will probably start falling off, etc.

I agree with a lot of the things Mark Manson says such as achieving self confidence by doing things that you find are interesting and that make you proud.

So I could start placing more value in my achievements, interests, and profession but those are also fleeting injections of confidence as I've undergone sinusoidal waves of confidence in those areas as well and have hit tough times at certain periods of my life that intermittently lessened my abilities. There will also always be people better than me in any given field.

I'm not a Buddhist per se but I think a lot of buddhist philosophies present the right way to live your life, such as non-attachment and radical acceptance. If your opinions align with mine, you probably think that Buddha's enlightenment is probably the epitomy of confidence.

I am now of the belief that deriving my confidence from achievements, physical traits, potential ability with women will only serve to band aid my true problem: caring too much about my place in society and what other people think of me. 'Providing value' seems like a hopeless term to me at times because it seems really superficial, despite perhaps being the reality.

My goal in life is to be comfortable with whatever situation I'm in, whether I'm homeless or obese or a pornstar or Potus or a crackaddict, and yet strive to keep to improve myself (in whatever manner I see fit), without depending so much on the whims of other people while at the same doing as much as is within my capabilities to help them. Much harder said than done, that's for fucking sure.

I think that's the true definition of confidence and 'not giving a fuck'.

I guess my more pertinent question to you guys is, how do I stop valuing physical attractiveness in myself and others and the opinions of other people?

What do you think is the true definition of 'confidence' and 'not giving a fuck'? Is it knowing that you've got exciting things going on in life, that you're good at something such as attracting women or biochemistry or music?

Or is Mark Manson wrong, is indifference the source of real confidence? Is it possible to be indifferent about everything in life without being depressed and emotionally dead?