I don’t claim to be a master, but I have noticed a marked increase in the quality of most of my interactions (not just with women I am interested in).

A non-game example: At the department store, buying clothes. I did not have the special card to get the big discount, and the cashier was not immediately helpful in finding a way to get me the discount. But I revealed a detail about my life situation that she began to pursue with a line of questioning.

She made some assumptions about me/the world that I personally don’t agree with, but I just followed along with her train of thought. I went there with her. I flowed with her. After a minute, she said “actually, I might be able to get you that discount.” And she did.

If I had disagreed with her statements for the sake of being “right,” I would have been fighting the moment with her. Instead, I embraced her point of view and allowed us to be on the same team for a moment. For a woman bored at a check-out counter this made a difference in her night, and we had a nice conversation. And it was a nice side benefit that I saved $25.

In game, Flow is crucial. My friend and I devised a game wherein we’re not allowed to make sense. Just back-and-forth nonsense. Get out of your head and learn to have fun! It stops us from trying to be right, or trying to impress with knowledge or experience. I am enough in this moment because I am enough, not because of what I know or what I have been through.

An example of our game might look like this:

Guy A: Trees are lollypops. Guy B: I know! And they’re not on fire. A: But they could be! B: Unless they weren’t. Or an octopus stepped on them. A: I hate octopi! B: Me too! They live in brick houses. A: And wear too many shiny pants! (and so on)

There is no logic, just fun. This will make you get out of your head and start to laugh and just enjoy being with your friend. You should have that same mindset when you're in set.

Enjoy the girl. Don’t be right, be Mr. Right. When she shit-tests you, just go with it. Laugh, agree, stare her down with quiet confidence. Have fun. See the innocence in her. She wants to know she’s safe with you, and she will feel safe if she’s having fun and see’s you’re not threatened by her shit tests.

One more note on the game I described: It’s all additive. Don’t negate or ignore what the other person says, but rather build on it. Be inclusive and constructive, not exclusive and destructive. These positive qualities will grow within you the more you nurture them.

Flow can be used to improve all of your relationships. It’s really not that different from empathy. Be willing to see someone else’s point of view for a moment, or at least pretend that you can. You’ll be surprised how much people open up when they see that you are accepting of their point of view.