Alright so I've been trying to talk to this girl (I know you don't try, you Do but) and it's been like 5 months already and I still don't have the guts to actually talk to her. I see her every know and then and I have been failing every time.

I actually don't like her anymore but I still want to take her out on a date or something. You see this girl my friend told me about her and he made it seem like I was going to score and that really made me think I was going to get a girlfriend for first time and she was cute so I was like "f yeah" and I I.

I forced myself to like her (I know it's weird af) I literally put her on a pedestal and forced myself to really like her. She was cute like 7 or 8 but after I forced myself(lol, the mind is very powerful) to like her she was like 9.5 pushing 10 its weird.

So at first I tried to find her during lunch I ran to catch up to her wherever it is she goes after school (doom room on cqmpus) and to no avail. I was like I don't talk to her because I don't see her (obviously an excuse). Until that Friday I see her I wasn't even looking out had got over it is see her but I wuss out and don't do it.

We go to break I come back and now I'm in a mentality where it's like I want to prove myself and my friends that I won't wuss out next time. I get another chance and I don't talk to her and I did this like 10 times (I call it the cycle I'm trapped in (of my own creation of course)).

Now fast forward that(me seeing her and not talking then saying I'm do it next time) until this week. I felt like I could do it, but I see her today in the morning and she's right there with her friends(I never see her at cafeteria in the morning) and I'm like if she was by herself on would do it but she's with her friends.

Know I am scared very little of the interaction but I just didn't have will power to do it(ok I was scared sh* less because of her friends) I am scared that people around will notice, not what she says but the people around.

I was so sad the rest of day I didn't do it afeet all this time. And and to make it worse I saw her after school at this parent teacher meeting like wtf I almost ran into her but her mom was around (*not like he was going to do it anyway).

Oh and she's like one of those people who are always happy and talk to everyone and she talks to guys and every time I see that I'm like damn they can do it and I can't.

I've read so much on this sub reddit and it has helped with convo skills but I just can't get myself to talk to her. I feel like I just want to do it because I literally forced myself to like her and I heard the brain can't tell the difference between reality and imagination(so my brain probably feels like she was like my girlfriend and I can't talk to her anymore? Idk).

I feel like how I imagine a castrated dog acts like it wants to hump something before it got its balls cut, but after they get cut it still does it but he doesn't really know why anymore it just doesn't it. Let me explain.

I really wanted this girl because I felt it was going to be easy and myou first but I lose interest(the dogs balls) and then I still want to do it almost just to prove myself. This girl is probably one of the only things I consistently cant do(I don't like not doing something good if I do something I do it great, sorry this sounds egotistical) and every time my friend remind me or I see this girl I just think in my head "you failed at that".

Idk what do you guys think (I know I'm such a pu** but damn I don't know "I just wanted to take a nice girl out to a nice restaurant")

I'm do it next time. Probably.

I will do it.