Background: I am a 21 year old college student that has never had a "legit" girlfriend. I lost my virginity 532 days ago to a one night stand. Yes, oddly, I keep track because its killing me. I have social anxiety and I often stutter when I talk to people. After being alone for 99.0% of my life, I have lost all motivation for anything. I am failing 2 out of 5 classes at the moment.

Anyways, I will post a few (of MANY) stories where I was with a girl (or had a potential girl) but dropped the ball.

1 When I was a junior in high school the Swedish foreign exchange girl wanted to go to prom with me. I was too afraid to ask her and I was too self conscious to walk in front of hundreds of people. So I didn't go.

2 Also, in junior year - I had a cute sophomore girl over to my place one night. We watched a 2 hour movie and I never made a move. She came over the next night and we started making out and all of that jazz. She took off my pants but I couldn't get it up. My heart was racing. I kept thinking about too many things. It was awful. I quickly took her home because it was so awkward. A few weeks later I was told that she immediately started crying when she got home because she thought it was her. No, it was me.

3 - the year I finally lost my virginity Sophomore year of college. There was a facebook page made for "secret admirers" at our college. This girl made a post about me, I got tagged in it, and she added me on facebook. We were chatting on facebook for awhile. After 3 or 4 weeks we finally met at a house party. I don't know what happened, but I decided to leave the house party because I was bored. We met up a week later at a different house party and she insisted that she come back home with me. Blah, blah, blah we hooked up and I finally lost my virginity...but I got a bloody nose in the midst of it. How embarrassing. We ended up hooking up 2 or 3 more times after that.

4 Fast forward a year later. I see an acquaintance at a house party. Very pretty girl but also extremely bitchy. Chatted with her for a bit and it took me forever to realize that she was hitting on me. She basically told me "we can either go to the bars...or we can go to myyy place" before I got the hint. So we went back to her place. We started making out and she said after 4 seconds "why are you moving your lips so slow, you kiss really weird..." I immediately got up and left. It was brutal.

5 Christmas break.. I had been talking to a 19 year old girl that I went to high school with. We were both on winter break and back home. I invited her over and we watched a movie. Did not make a move again. 2nd time we hung out, we made out and did some foreplay. She wanted to have sex but could tell I was very awkward. So she had an excuse to leave. She texted me and said it was fun hanging out with me blah blah blah. So we hung out again a few nights later. After awhile of foreplay she started giving me a blow job. I was at 50% the whole time. She asked me, "am I doing something wrong." Completely killed my boner, because I knew it was me. Anyways, she puts on her clothes and left. Texted me and said maybe another night. So she comes over for a forth night and its basically the same situation. I couldn't get it all the way up because I was so nervous.

From that point on I knew that I will never be smooth with girls. I just don't understand. I am pushing people out of my life. I am failing classes. I have started doing coke and other party drugs. I need help.