I went out to celebrate my friend coming back or something. Whole night goes good at the club. Pregamed but didn't drink once I got there. While I was leaving some girls were talking about "I don't think you understand the drinking rules in this state" I said "Zero Tolerance" while looking at one girl. She smiled and went on to talk to her friends near their car and I talked to mine over elsewhere. Our friends were leaving with other girls and didn't want to take a uber with us so we were stranded. The girl walked past us and I asked her can she drive she said yes come on. Her GF left her. We walked to her house which was like a mile away and I sat in the backseat because an acquaintance called shotgun. I made sure they got dropped off first and took the front seat. We talked the whole 40 mins back about I don't even know what there were a lot of topics. We get to the military base and she has a military card because of her parents. We park the car and I'm saying you should probably take a nap here your sleep deprived. Couple minutes of me playing the sleep here I'm worried about your safety jokingly go by and she leans in really close and I basically have to kiss her. This make out session was really intense for 2 people that just met. After I continued trying to convince her to nap but I guess she really did have work in like a hour and a half. So I take my ass up stairs and fall asleep. I wake up and im on cloud 9 like what just happened. I haven't kissed a girl in 3 years. Im nervous to snap her i was drunk and socially lubricated that night now. I snap her if she wants to come over today. She said I would if I could but it's family day at the pumpkin patch. I told her I'll take her on a date instead another day. She said haha ok. She wasn't really responding. I know texting can kill a vibe so I was just trying to see her. The next day I text her how her days going. She said she just got off. I texted her like 30 mins later "Do you want to come over today". Went unread for like 5 hrs and otw back from the gym I just kindve kept driving past my dorm and blared music to possibly get me out of my head. Nothing was working so I just deleted her snap. Have no way to get back in touch with her👌

Trying to understand what made me do it. Part of it was feeling she was out of my league. I was scared of a upcoming date because how would I top the first day we met you know. I just wanted to have sex with her so I could be calm and have some power over her but every second of vulnerability drove me insane. I was finding myself latching on to her and I could feel infatuation taking me over. I couldn't hit the gym hard I was infatuated and becoming soft. She was all I thought about and I just wasn't comfortable having love take me over. She is really pretty and has a deep country accent like me. I only knew her for a hour and a half and it was one of the greatest nights of my life. Yet it felt like I was having my soul slowly stripped away from me by a stranger I barely knew and it scared me. I'm also insecure in that she could be a immune to emotion slut because she's a waitress and her snap story had cleavage which is how all the girls look at that bar. That paired with a unread message, insecurities, and being engulfed and drowned in a mixture of love and infatuation made me mentally paralyzed and was just terrifying. I did not want to give her power over me. I have goals and the only way I found it possible to focus is if I just let her go. I've only texted her a day and a half after the first night.

What I've learned: Free your mind don't expect outcome. Don't be distracted by what is happening externally look internally. Keep your mind in the right place. Put yourself in a position to be her man. Girls want to be loved deep down not treated as sexual animals. And don't delete the girls number you just made out with to break free of "infatuation" it's prime time to overcome insecurities and grow 👍 Now roast my ass