I am familiar with the advice that says that inner game (confidence) comes from taking care of yourself, staying fit, being ambitious & goal-oriented, valuing yourself, and striving for continuous improvement.

I do all of these things, and have for quite some time. And I still lack confidence. I am a good-looking guy. I have a good career. I have awesome friends. I do lots of fun, interesting things. I am doing well with my life. I know I am desirable to many women. And yet, this does not give me strength. Self-doubt, anxiety, and hesitation are often crippling to me. I did not always realize these things, and it took me quite a long time to understand that I am a valuable man and that I can attract women. I don't know if this late development of self-worth is part of where my issue stems from. But the development of self-esteem and confidence in everything else I do has not lead to confidence with women. That has lagged considerably.

I go out, and I do not approach girls, even when they are obviously showing interest. I can strike up a conversation and make friends with any random dude, no problem, but if its a girl then its like my brain shuts down. That cute girl who is following me around the dance floor, watching me dance, and meekly trying to get my attention - I pretend to not notice her, and lie to myself that I just want to enjoy the music and dance. Every time. don't even know if I feel fear - I just do not act. Maybe I am numb to the fear at this point and just let it take over.

Today I went on a date (which is rare for me). I'd mustered up the balls to ask this girl out after meeting her at a work function. She said yes and seemed very interested in me. Our date went well initially, but I struggled dearly to push things beyond talking & touching in friendly ways. I failed to escalate beyond that, for whatever reason, and my confidence fell. She sensed that my body language had become unconfident, and her body language reflected this (or so I imagined, who knows - I felt that she became disappointed or suddenly aloof). At the end of the date, I became awkward and didn't go for a kiss. Instead, I let her chose a shitty hug as our goodbye, as I already began kicking myself in my mind. I liked this girl quite a bit but I don't think there will be a second date (not that I won't try). For all she knows, she may not even think I'm attracted to her.

This is what my issue boils down to - I have this irrational avoidance of overtly conveying attraction, even if I have a good chance of succeeding. It is no way to live.

I don't even know if there is a legitimate question to be asked here. I'm not going to ask you guys, "Why can't I be confident and take action?" I know for a fact that action comes before motivation. I have learned this already. If I hadn't I couldn't even claim to be in control of the rest of my life. And it's logical to assume the same applies for confidence - it does not magically appear and take the reigns to drive you to take action . Confidence follows, and is bred by, action. There's my answer. There is no magic bullet.

I had to type this out and put it out there because I can't internalize this. It is driving me mad.

I have to beat this thing and I truly do appreciate any feedback, but i cannot honestly ask for a solution to this. The logical part of my brain, the part that sits across from the irrational, hesitating, doubtful side of my brain, knows that I can only develop inner game through trial-and-error, exposure, and following through no matter what. I've just got to start actually doing it. You never get any younger.