Insecurities running

NCreature · 2020-07-09T19:30:15+00:00

Is there something wrong with you? Or do you just believe that? If your female friends are telling you you're attractive they're probably not lying. So what's likely happening is that you have a distorted self-image and that distortion is leading to self-defeating behaviors. This is the gist of like 90% of the posts on this forum by the way. Carl Jung would describe it as the negative anima. This sense that women are judging you and somehow see you as reprehensible, even if actual women don't.

The only way to really change this is through experience. Your real world experiences have to overpower your imagination. Because what's happening is that you're likely not taking action, or doing it halfheartedly, and because of that the world you imagine, which is terrible, is speaking louder to you than the real world. You don't have enough real world references to combat your imagination. It's like someone who has some sort of phobia. The only way to get over the phobia is for the person to voluntarily expose themselves to it again and again and eventually what happens is they don't get less afraid but rather they become courageous. Courage is doing things when the moment calls for it despite fear. Courage is better than being 'not afraid,' because just being mindlessly not afraid might get you killed.

You sort of create the world in which you want to live and so if you believe that deep down you're only good enough for women who are 2s and 3s, at best, then that's what you get. Your behaviors, mannerisms, outward expression will all manifest that reality. It's not some woo woo thing. You literally act and regard the people around you in accordance with your beliefs. Wanting a hot girl and not believing you can have her deep down is like wanting a private jet. Want alone won't get you there. You have to be willing to put in the work (on yourself) to get there. Things that are valuable aren't easy to get, that's what makes them valuable. But you first have to start from a proper understanding of who you are. That's why like in Vegas the PUAs make you do like 50 approaches a night. Because 1) you get much needed reps in an environment where it doesn't matter and 2) you start to get a real world understanding of how people actually respond to you not how you think they're going to respond. You realize out of 50 girls, maybe 10 are interested, 10 outright are dismissive, and a bunch just kind like in the middle and could go either way. But its NEVER all 50 into you or not into you. Even a guy like Tom Brady is not gonna have 50/50. Some girls may think he's too old, or not even know who he is. He's lucky if he got 25 which is half. If half the girls you talk to are into you, you're a celebrity. So even the top celebrity, most desirable alpha males at best is only going to get maybe half the girls give him a shot, so that means the other half are going to 'reject' him. But how ridiculous would it be for Clooney or DiCaprio to not approach over the bad half, when if they focused on the good half they'd be doing better than 99% of guys.

My point is until you understand where you're really at, and how people really see you, you can't really fix your problem because your negative imagination is running the show. It's like if you want the plane, you need to know how much money you have vs. how much you need, not some imaginary thought about "well I'm poor." Poor compared to what? That's how guys think. They're just in this nebulous fantasyland of "i'm probably not good enough," and its like based on what? Who told you that? If girls are telling you you're attractive, you're good enough. So you have to put yourself in situations where the distorted voice in your head gets pounded into submission with actual facts and real-world experiences and the only way you can get that is through facing your fears, acting anyway and going after what you want, even if it feels awkward at first.

romdeodelta · 2020-07-09T19:24:28+00:00

Apps are little investment long game tools: make a good bio, and leave it alone. Swipe for 15 minutes a day, and otherwise get out there and meet girls.

Don't worry to much about types at first. Hell, start with the uglies and chubbies. Get comfortable. Work your way up.

Everybody wants to step on the mound first time and hit one into the stands.

Hit the practice cages, then play ball.

Don't let apps become your surrogate.

thelad99 · 2020-07-10T11:23:31+00:00

I vouch for NCreature’s advice.

What can I input? In terms of dating apps, I’d recommend getting off them.

80% of women are fighting for the top 20% of guys. Even above average and good looking dudes like yourself struggle with no fault of your own but the app and the 10 times more guys on it. It’s a waste of time.

A perfect app if you’re a female. I know a 3 out of 10 who got around 3000 likes on tinder for a period of time. Imagine what the 7’s and above are getting? Classic attention tool full of attention whores who either just want a bit of validation or want to compete for the few top dudes due to their over perceived sexual market value of themselves (in part due to so many dudes doing mass swipes or lowering their standards cos the app is useless).

Stick to real life king.

Here’s a link explaining why Tinder is skewed towards girls and very ineffective for average or even above average guys (unless you are a model or someone with ridiculous status): https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a

Title	Insecurities running
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	5
Date	July 9, 2020 6:45 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ho8qh8/insecurities_running/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/insecurities-running.1498454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1498454

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