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[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This sounds more like a job for /r/relationships. The advice you would probably get here in seddit would be to stay out of his reach just enough to get him to chase after you. But we aren't really so good at advising a woman about that sort of thing.
I don't want to seem unsympathetic, but our advice is generally to not react strongly, and take it personally. But our guys generally don't have that much experience with girls that are throwing themselves at us, and we're not interested. And it might not be a sexual thing, it could be drinking and that might be something you have to deal with. I remember long ago, a girlfriend accused me of only being nice to her when I got stoned. I was a horrible pothead back then, she was probably right, I was always cranky when I didn't have weed.
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I was really torn on where to post this, but in the end I decided I was probably just bad at seduction. The thing with the drinking only just started recently, so I thought maybe he got bored with me or something.
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oops I reread my post and I phrased that poorly, it doesn't read the way I intended, I hope you didn't take offense. I didn't mean to imply "we're not interested" in your problem, I was hypothesizing about me being in a position where I'm not interested in sex with my girlfriend.
I'll give you one bit of vaguely seduction-related advice that might help. Women like the thrill of being chased. But he already caught you. Now you aren't being chased and you miss it because you are not currently getting the validation that you'd get by being pursued by a guy. It appears to be worse than that, maybe even you're in a slump.
So, 6 months in, is sort of a point where you have to decide if you're getting what you need in this relationship. Differing sex drives could be a dealbreaker (it would be for me). Maybe communication is needed, maybe he gets drunk because it's the only way to reduce his inhibitions with you, he's nervous and in uncharted territory. But no matter what the solution is, ultimately, it will require work by both of you, and communication to establish that you're both working for the same goals.
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If he is feeling nervous, is there a way I can relieve his worries? I mean, he has started dieting and trying to lose weight the past month. Maybe an action that I am overlooking? I'm really bad at this kind of stuff. Maybe he needs to be romanced? The most serious relationship I was in before this one was with an alpha male type of navy guy, but now I'm with someone that is interested in what I have to say and like me for being me. It's really different and I haven't had to do the seduction part before.
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Upthread, you said you "talked to him about it," what, you talked to hiim about the sex issues, or the alcohol? People can easily get defensive, if you come at them from the wrong angle. This will take more communication, to get to the point where he's comfortable and trusting enough to be open with you. Take whatever small steps you can in that direction of communication and trust. It sounds like he's trying to change his life with diet and exercise, that's a very hard change to make in your life, maybe he needs support, or maybe he feels pressure to make those changes. Once again, more communication and you'll find out.
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
About the sex issues. If I try to talk to him about serious stuff at all, he gets really quiet. He says it's because he "doesn't know how to respond"
Also, I tried talking to him about it once, and he clammed up. I don't think he remembers it, though.
[–]winningTheInterview 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Do you have interests other than him?
Yes --> Explore them for a while. Your genuine enthusiasm/excitement is probably infectious, and could woo your bf. Or a cooler guy.
No --> You're boring. Be more interesting.
Shoving your box in his face is a bad idea.
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I own my own REI business, and I'm passionate about that, but I don't know how to show him. I don't have many hobbies because my work takes up most of my time. I guess I am pretty boring.
[–]davdr 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How often do you see each other and for how long? Do you live together?
We worked together and were friends for a year before we started dating, but we don't work together anymore. He lives half an hour away, so we see each other about twice a week. Usually it's overnight. Once a week at mine, once a week at his.
[–]winningTheInterview 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I own my own REI business
you are not boring. owning and running a business is fucking interesting. good start.
I don't know how to show him
doesn't matter. stop worrying about how to show him, just focus on that OTHER THING that is not him.
you can't force someone to want you, but you can develop the things that make you awesome and attractive.
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[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lead ModeratorThrowawayPUA 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]winningTheInterview 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]davdr 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ObligatedOctopi 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]winningTheInterview 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link