The idea of spending a substantial portion of your free time 'chasing tail' can seem shallow. Why not spend that time pursuing something more meaningful?

If approaching women is the primary source of meaning in your life, that's a problem, and you should make a point to pursue other passions.

That said, game isn't just about getting laid unless you want it to be. Cold approach can be meaningful, and it can be a legitimate path towards self-development if you have the right mindset about it.

You can let this become a journey towards empty one-night stands, but it can also be something far more powerful.

It's up to you to decide why you're doing this, just understand that if your motivations are meaningful to you, you will not only be more driven to take action, but you'll also get more value out of your experiences.

In this chapter, you'll learn about how game can change your life (beyond getting laid).

 

Overcoming Your Ego

 

Throughout our upbringing, we all develop insecurities and doubts about ourselves.

It's different for everyone:

One guy believes he isn't physically attractive enough to get dates. Another guy thinks his personality is annoying.

A third guy believes that male sexuality is inherently creepy and that he should repress that side of himself.

We all have areas where our self-esteem isn't strong. The solution is to face our insecurities head-on.

The negative beliefs you have about yourself can fester indefinitely—unless you disprove them.

When you approach women, ask them out, and put yourself in a vulnerable position, you'll see that your negative beliefs are either untrue or don't matter.

Some women will reject you, but you'll realize that it's not a big deal because other women will find you attractive.

As you practice cold approach, you will develop a more realistic view of yourself.

Any narcissistic beliefs you have will be disproven (facing rejection head-on is an excellent antidote to an inflated ego).

At the same time, any views you have about yourself being inferior or unworthy will also be proven untrue.

The more time we spend in the hypothetical world, the more likely we are to become anxious and self-defeating. The more time we spend taking action, the more we can cleanse our negative beliefs through exposure to reality.

 

Increased Happiness

 

Nietzsche famously said, "Happiness is the feeling that power increases—that resistance is being overcome."

Most men have a tremendous amount of resistance towards approaching women.

That's why the average guy never does a single cold approach even though he encounters thousands of attractive girls throughout his life.

When you approach a girl despite all the psychological resistance you have towards doing so, you will feel a great sense of accomplishment: you have overcome resistance, and thus, your power has increased.

It's not uncommon for men to say the first time they approached a girl was one of the best days of their entire lives.

Not because of some result they got, but because they had spent so many years thinking about what might happen if they approached a cute girl, but they always made excuses.

Approaching a girl for the first time can feel like getting a monkey off your back because you've always wanted to take control of your dating life by approaching women, but (if you're like the average guy), you haven't actually done anything to move towards that goal.

This sense that you are overcoming an obstacle exists throughout the process of learning game.

You will feel an incredible sense of accomplishment whenever you do something that you feel resistance towards. This might be leaning in to kiss a girl, going on a date, approaching a particularly beautiful woman, etc.

The fact that you are facing your resistance head-on makes these actions inherently rewarding—even if you get rejected in the process.

Approaching women will peel away the layers of your ego. Most of the women you approach will ultimately reject you. A few women will even ignore you or treat you with disrespect.

These experiences will hurt for a moment, but they will make you stronger in the long-term.

We all have fears about the humiliation we could experience, but when those fears come true, you no longer have anything to worry about.

Once, a girl told me, "You have the body a of a twelve-year-old, and a woman will never love you."

Yeah, that hurt in the moment. However, it helped me let go of my ego. By default, we have a strong desire to make people react to us positively.

The idea of being disliked by someone gives us anxiety. But when you start approaching women, you will realize that being disliked is okay; it doesn't mean anything.

When you let go of your desire to make everyone like you, you will become far more charismatic, and you will enjoy yourself more in social interactions.

The only way to let go of that desire to be liked is to experience being disliked.

Once you realize that you can handle rejection or even hate from others, you will be able to accept yourself on a level that most people couldn't imagine.

 

Learn How To Connect With People On An Emotional Level

 

As men, we learn to interact with people logically. We tend to see social interactions purely as an exchange of ideas.

In a business setting, this can be beneficial, but in most situations, being in-tune with the emotional layer of communication is more important than being in-tune with the logical layer.

Game forces you to learn to communicate with people on an emotional level. Every time you try to attract women with logic, it will backfire.

Over time, you will learn to become increasingly aware of how you make other people feel and to create a positive emotional response in others.

This will, of course, be useful in dating, but it will also make you more charismatic and socially intelligent in all of your social interactions.

What you learn from cold approach will translate to your friendships, interactions with your coworkers, and how well you get along with your friends and family.

 

Dispel Your Limiting Beliefs

 

We all have certain beliefs about what we are capable of and what is impossible for us.

Some people think they could never be good with women because they're introverts. Others believe they are too short or they need better hair or their wrists are too dainty (yes this is a real thing, it's known as being a 'wristcel').

Practicing cold approach will disprove many of the limiting beliefs you currently have about yourself.

To learn game, you must repeatedly get outside your comfort zone. You will have no choice to do things that go against any negative identity you might have.

If you think of yourself as shy or introverted, game will teach you to do be outgoing.

If you have a belief that you aren't sexually attractive, game will eventually disprove that belief: approach enough women, and you'll start to see that some girls do find you attractive.

Not only is disproving your limiting beliefs immensely satisfying, but the effects can also bleed into all areas of our life.

A lot of us have a belief that we can't really change ourselves, at least not substantially. Game will change you in profound ways, and you will realize that you are capable of real growth.

In psychology, this is known as self-efficacy, which in technical terms means, "An individual's belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments." (Bandura, 1977, 1986, 1997)

By practicing cold approach, your self-efficacy will improve. You will start to realize that you do have the power to change your circumstances: the excuses you previously had will no longer be so easy to believe.

Maybe the idea that you have bad muscle-building genetics is just an excuse to avoid the gym, or the idea that you're not smart enough to get straight a's in college is nothing more than a limiting belief.

Any area in which you feel stuck is likely an area in which limiting beliefs are holding you back. As you build self-efficacy in general, those beliefs will soften, and you will create room to break free of your negative patterns.

Of course, game isn't the only route for building self-efficacy. But it is a powerful one. Anything that forces you to face your limiting beliefs head-on can create a watershed moment in which all areas of your life are permanently changed.

 

Master Self-Discipline

 

Self-discipline is the ability to take actions that will help you reach your long-term goals even when it's uncomfortable to do so.

Cold approach will help you build self-discipline as much as (if more than) anything else you can do.

Approaching women involves a lot of resistance, stress, and rejection.

Every single time you approach a girl, go out to a club, or ask a girl for her number, you are building self-discipline. You are giving up temporary comfort in the name of long-term growth.

In psychology, research on discipline has lead to fascinating discoveries about willpower, which is defined as "Control exerted to do something or restrain impulses."

Any action that requires conscious effort uses willpower (until that activity becomes a habit). Willpower is basically the metric for self-discipline.

Scientists have found that willpower is like a muscle (1https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/good-thinking/201306/how-boost-your-willpower).

When you exert willpower, the resource depletes until you reach a point of total exhaustion. But after a rest period, your willpower returns stronger than it was before. Therefore, you can build your willpower the same way you can build a muscle.

Willpower is also universal: the willpower you use to cook a healthy meal is the same willpower you use to approach women. Anything you do that uses willpower in the short-term will improve your willpower in the long-term.

Meeting women is something that causes a lot of emotional resistance—more than most other self-improvement endeavors.

If you can approach women, going to the gym or working on your business will seem easy in comparison.

 

Choose Your Relationships From Abundance

 

One of the most common criticisms about game is that it's shallow: pursuing a meaningful relationship would be a better life path than sleeping with a bunch of random women.

This argument might make sense on the surface, but it doesn't consider the fact that how you choose your partner matters.

If you find a girlfriend from your social circle or job, you have a small pool of options to choose from—there's probably only a few cute girls you interact with regularly.

Similarly, online dating is skewed because there are far more men on the apps than women.

Furthermore, women are far choosier (they swipe right less often), and this creates a situation where the top 20% of men are competing for the top 80% of women.

So, the average guy only gets 1 or 2 likes on Tinder per day, and even the top guys get far fewer likes and matches than average women. This means that on dating apps, men generally have to date down in terms of attractiveness.

In contrast, cold approach has much less competition (only a small percentage of men have the courage to approach women).

Also, while meeting women in the real world, you will have far more options because you can get face time with any hot girl you see (On the most popular dating apps, you can only message a girl who has swiped right on you.)

If you practice cold approach for several years, you will meet thousands of women, and if you want a girlfriend, you'll be able to choose the best match for you out of countless options.

Once you're good at cold approach, you can get 5-10 attractive women's numbers every single night, and although some girls will flake, a good percentage of those numbers will lead to dates.

At that rate, you can expect to go on multiple dates with women every single week (if you want to).

This cannot be replicated in the average social circle, and it can't be replicated with online dating either.

So, if you want a meaningful relationship, what's the best way to find a girl who has great chemistry with you, shares similar values, and is someone you'd genuinely be excited to be with for a significant portion of your life?

Cold approach will provide you with the most opportunities by far. It's not romantic to think of people as statistics, but if you have a thousand women to choose from, you're going to find a better partner than if you have to choose from the ten women in your social circle.

And again, within dating apps, you might be able to get a lot of dates, but they're going to be with women who by society's standards are less appealing than you are because the top 80% of men are competing for the top 20% of women.

 

Conclusion

 

Cold approach can be a simple-minded pursuit of sex if you want it to be. If that's your motivation and that's exciting to you, yes, game can satisfy that craving.

However, it can be about a lot more than just sex. In fact, I've found that sex is the icing on the cake.

My best nights out aren't necessarily the nights when I sleep with a hot girl; they're the nights when I completely let go of my ego and overcome internal obstacles.

Cold approach will help you improve your social skills, build self-discipline, defeat limiting beliefs, become grounded, and choose the kind of relationships you want instead of settling.

The pursuit of sex for its own sake can become a hollow pursuit, but game doesn't have to be about collecting as many notches as possible, it can be about overcoming your ego and facing your insecurities head-on which will not only lead to an improved dating life, but a better life in general.

If you like this article, you can find more content like this on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4kTcVi-b_9qQnMCRG9WggA