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[–]PMLifeStory 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Keep doing what you're doing but change your mindset. You shouldn't think of all the bad things they may or may not think of you. What you should be doing is interacting with girls to gauge wether youd even like them in the first place and getting to know them. Accept who you are and what you are and be confident. Confidence is #1 in seduction.
[–]agnosticles 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Hey man, I hear you on the rationalizations that tell you not to approach. I also hear you about working out. It seemed so clear to me that when I got in shape, my self-doubt would disappear... it didn't. So, when I go out to clubs, I DEFINITELY feel insecure pretty much every night at the beginning. So do my most successful friends, which blew my mind.
What's funny is that if I just do some bullshit approaches outside the club (just saying hello, high-fiving people, giving compliments, w/e), even if they don't go well, then I feel more social and my brain calms down. I actually like a few rejections at this stage to remind me that it's not a big deal. I say hello and some girl rolls her eyes at me or a dude gives me a weird look. But the next people are happy and friendly... I remember that a lot of it is arbitrary.
Then in the club, instead of saying "these girls hate you; you aren't good enough," my emotions say things like "hey, that girl is pretty cute, go say hello" or "that dude seems like he has a chill vibe, let's go talk to him."
That social momentum makes you more chill and then talking to a girl you like is just one more interaction. If you vibe well, cool. If not, w/e next interaction. Just talk to a bunch of people for a short period of time, note who you vibe well with, then revisit them later in the night.
In class, I like to structure it this way as well. Often I will just introduce myself to several people and start building a little mini social brand in the environment. Then when I open a cute girl, I can introduce her to my buddies in the class, and she has an opportunity to overhear my happy conversations with other people. Also, if she's mean or you don't vibe well, then you can just pop right back to your friends and keep being happy. Open her again later.
My fav is when someone "rejects" you and you just kind of happily move onto another interaction. Oftentimes you will notice a look of doubt shoot across their face. If you have more fun than them with other people, you just open them again later and they will be happy to talk to you. Who doesn't like fun?? Also, if she doesn't like fun, dude she sucks.
You've got this bro
Also, who are your guy friends? Do you have a good wing? Can you model yourself and your mindset on someone who is successful?
[–][deleted] 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]agnosticles 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude that is a great setup! I'm at uni too now. Depending on what your goals are, I might consider joining several groups and working on being more outgoing and making some buddies who have social skills. The more you socialize, the more your brain will chill out in social situations/tell you that you are the man.
I do salsa dancing and I'm checking out improv comedy soon. Salsa gets me moving women around and literally leading their bodies through space. Improv forces me to get out of my head and inures me to embarrassment. Now that I have those activities and I go out a few nights a week (even for like 40 minutes), I'm way more chill.
If you are just looking for a girlfriend, try sitting next to a cute girl and chatting with her. If you have rapport, ask her out for coffee. Then you screen to see if you want to date her. My wing made me write down a list of 10 characteristics I want in a woman that aren't physical, and he encouraged me to compliment women on those and screen for them.
Having qualities in mind makes you more selective and helps you refine what you are looking for. It also gives girls you ask out a reason to feel special, like you chose them instead of just desperately clawing at whatever you can get. Sooo... do you like girls who are adventurous or chilled out? Perhaps you like health nuts, or you are really into girls who are emotionally stable (I like this). Maybe you like women with good fashion sense. It's cool to give personalized compliments (although I've gone overboard with the fashion compliments and the girl thought I was gay, lol).
If you want to know how to ask her out, try this classic: After you get out of class and you are walking together, say something like "You know what I love about you? You are just so something from your list! I'm loving this conversation. What are you doing right now?"
If she's free, ask her to coffee right them. If she's not: "I love talking to you. When are you free? I want to take you to your fav spot. What is your number?"
Then you keep chatting for a bit, say you have to be somewhere else, and Boom! Text her and get that coffee.
A few notes on the compliments: Remember that you can tease too. I like to say stuff like "You know what I hate about you? You are just so adorably bookish!" It's still a compliment, but there is a tease in there too. It's better than just a bunch of praise. If you want to know if a girl thinks she is X, you can say, "you seem like X" and see how she responds. If you say it kind of coyly, she'll know that's what you like in girls. That said, none of this is written in stone. This is just shit that I've tried that worked reasonably well for me.
Good luck man
[–]piquete91 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hope this doesn't come off as an insult - I don't intend it as such but it seems like you may have legitimate anxiety/depression issues. I did, and finally sought help when I was 22 and had a dry spell of 2 years.
I was fine in high school and college with girls, I guess - I took what I could get and nothing was meaningful because of my depression but it became unmanageable and I decided I wasn't going to be a shut in missing out on life forever.
Since getting help I've overcome my anxiety and depression by practicing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and talking with a therapist, as well as taking medication(highly personal decision).
I recommend his route if you feel like you need it. I have been able to approach, get numbers, get laid, and recently fell in love. I'm not with the woman anymore really, as she's 10 years older and lives states away as of 2 months ago but we had an amazing 8 months. She's visiting me in a few days as we still hold a great deal of love for each other and have a great relationship in general. I've been with 2 girls since she's left because all of these experiences have left me with a confidence and sense of self I didn't think possible.
Wishing you all the best, and remember that you are you, if you need help get it, whether it's a therapist, getting out of your comfort zone, whatever. Life is short, and you're really young. You got this. Much love brother, be well.
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[–]PMLifeStory 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]agnosticles 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]agnosticles 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]piquete91 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link