This is a recent epiphany that has been rolling around in my head like a rock polisher. I think this idea is refined and organized enough to be shared now.

The basic idea is knowing what you are... and what you represent to a female. I'm going to start with some assumptions that I believe are true.

-women are just as susceptible to thinking with their genitals, like men.
-just as many women as men can appreciate a no-strings-attached sexual encounter.
-just as many women as men don't understand who they are.

about me: I've been married and divorced, I'm 29, I take my looks and weight seriously because it's only fair when I want the same in a woman. I was once under the impression that -all- women wanted to get married and settle down, regardless of age or where they were in life. believing that, I accepted the role of potential life partner. It wasn't something I decided for myself, I just thought it's what I had to be.

Like a lot of men, my relationship role models were my parents. who are old and married. They're doing great, and they seem happy, but I didn't have any other examples of how I could exist as a man among women.

I want to share my clarity, and even if my situation isn't like yours, perhaps you can draw some conclusions from your life, about you.

Knowing what I am. This is who I am:

I want you to imagine a girl. She's not exceptionally cute, in fact some people would say she's ugly. But she's clean, takes care of herself, and has a nice tight body. She's nice, doesn't have any issues, and you would have sex with her if she made herself available to you. Furthermore, she would have sex with you because it's fun, and she has no thoughts about a relationship because she has other important, enjoyable things in her life.

I'm hoping you know someone like this already, cuz that would make this really easy to understand.

There are some key points to that girl, and getting from stranger in public, to in bed with you and in your phone contacts.

-she takes care of herself. Clean, not overweight, groomed. Not disagreeable to the senses.
-if she made it easy enough, you would have sex with her.
-she would have sex with you, because she thinks sex is fun.
-she is OK with not being in a relationship with anyone.
-she doesn't feel ready to settle down, because she knows she can do better in the future after improving herself. but in the meantime, she wouldn't mind some NSA.

now turn that situation around, and imagine the male version of that.

-you take care of yourself. you are clean, not overweight, you are groomed. You wear clean clothes.
-Anatomically, everything is where it should be. She won't feel traumatized by a hairy, sweaty bellybutton (for example), or that she compromised her standards. You met the minimum.
-if you make yourself easily available to a woman, she will have sex with you... even if only because she doesn't have anything better going on.
-she thinks sex is fun, and is interested in doing something new with someone new.
-the thought of being in a relationship with you will never cross her mind. Neither of you are ready to settle down.

if this is who you are, and you make yourself those things, you will notice a change in how some women look at you. At that point, breaking the ice isn't some huge risk on your part... you're simply making yourself available to her, because you probably know more about what's going on right now.

and that you're on seddit shows you're a go-getter about your sex life.

---------------- I hope what I just said has caused some change in your mind -----------------

now let me back up and share some of the pitfalls and hangups I had.

I thought I was supposed to be mr perfect. that is WAY too much pressure to bear, and too high a standard to set for myself, when all I wanted was to get laid and have fun. Not only are there men more qualified to settle down with, I failed to connect with women because they weren't looking for me (AND I WASN'T REALLY THAT GUY TO BEGIN WITH!).

Also, when I thought I was doing the "right" thing by grooming myself as a relationship partner--financially, mostly--I resented women who just wanted to have fun.

if this is you, that one takes a while to undo. but if, after thinking about it, if you find you're just looking to be fuckable and easy... I think I have found the key.