Anyone who ever said, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” was either too lazy to try or confused. At the age of 32, I started down a new path in my life. I’m just an average guy who wanted to do better in his life. I wanted to stop using porn, stop worrying about what others thought, and stop falling victim to emotional blackmail. Likewise, I wanted stop chasing after people who didn’t want me in their lives or gave me a hard time about being in there lives.

At the age of 35, I have overcome porn addiction. I have found the root of my self-confidence issues, an emotional abusive, narcissistic brother—and father, and I have went no contact with my brother, as a result. I have realized that I was drawing in crazy, irrational, and unstable women into my life because I had weak boundaries. I starting setting healthy boundaries in my life. The people in my life were upset, but too bad, I had to do what was right for me.

A few weeks ago, I ventured back into the dating scene to go out with a girl a tad bit younger than me (25f). Maybe, a bit more than “a tad.” I had been friends with this girl for years, but I had always avoided dating her because she seemed unstable. Not only that, her sarcasm was annoying and lacked vulnerability or honesty. However, the first few weeks were fun, but I quickly learned that definition of “needy” and “insecure.” I could see through her false confidence and veiled stability. I was then bombarded with a litany of text messages of varying degrees: “Am I pretty?” “Do you like me?” “Can you see me in your life?” “You are so good looking that it isn’t fair!” “After we had sex, it seems like you no longer want to hang out with me.” The list went on and on until I walked away. I couldn’t take the sarcasm, the instability, and the hidden games. I couldn’t handle the messages at three in the morning because “Her brain wouldn’t stop thinking.” I couldn’t handle the “You should have said X, instead of doing Y.” I never succumbed to those games, but the fending off or ignoring was tiring. In Mark Manson’s words, it quickly went from Fuck Yes, to No.

In the past, I would have stayed the course, tried to help the girl, fallen under her confusing spell, and allowed my entire life to disappear in her aura. I’m a straightforward, honest guy that if asked to do something, I show up at the event on time. I knew the answer to casually dating this girl on the first night because I received a text, “Are you going to ditch me?” I didn’t plan on ditching her, but the smarter, stronger side with integrity knew I didn’t need her chaos. I went anyways, but I didn’t fail. I learned more about myself. I learned that I was interested in dating more than ever. I learned that all people have problems, but the healthy ones take ownership of their problems. I learned that I could walk away. And I did walk away. I decided that enough was enough.

What ended up sealing the deal for me was after we had sex, she had two meltdowns—not counting the other one I excused from a previous week. Her reasoning was that “She liked me so much” that she freaked out. In Models, Mark Manson speaks about women who come from abusive or unstable family backgrounds, which she did, often have meltdowns or create drama because that is the only way they know how to react to a healthy, stable man. Manson also argues that it’s not the women who are the problem, it’s you who is allowing them into your life. I feel like putting a foot down to women like the one I just casually dated, has started a new beginning to a healthier, more honest, integrity based dating life.