I used to be someone who would get laid and immediately be in love and/or at the very least I'd take myself of out the game. I was often struck with oneitis and all it's various forms.

After my last break up (about 4 months ago) I decided I'd actively and purposefully pursue the idea of not settling down with the first woman who took her clothes off. It's been a little harder than I thought, actually, but I have some tips/thoughts and reports about how it went.

Hope it's helpful.

As a note here, I'm talking about the situation where you do ultimately want a relationship (monogamous, serious, and long term). Obviously if you're a player who's got no interest in a relationship these observations are not relevant.

First: You have to make a conscious effort to do this and decide (like going on a diet or going to the gym) that it's an important commitment to yourself.

Second: You have to be active. I found dating (I've used Tinder, FB, Insta, and my social network) is like a freaking part-time job. It's a lot of work. It's expensive (or can be) and it can be emotionally difficult.

Third: I believe you have to be honest, both with yourself (most important) but also (imho) with those you're dating/fucking/pursing.

Fourth: Because of the time, effort, money it takes, you've got to be able to cut loose women who are not bad in bed and express interest in continuing to date/fuck but you know don't represent the ultimate goal you have. This is a tricky rule because it's easy to get comfortable with a nice sexual partner. Obviously if you're a fuck boy/don't care about a relationship, well you're not going to cut loose a partner who you enjoy fucking, but if you're interested in a relationship, it's good to follow the metric from G-Easy:

If I hit it one time I'ma pipe her
If I hit it two times then I like her
If I fuck three times I'ma wife her

Fifth: You should have a solid metric for what you want in order to settle down. What are your deal breakers and what's your wish list? Obviously if you're hunting for everything to be absolutely 100% perfect, you'll likely never find a partner who works out, but you shouldn't give in on big items that really matter.

Sixth: When someone comes along who you feel might be right, it's important, I feel, to be willing to give it your full effort and attention, i.e. you can put all others on hold for a season to see if this person who seems right is actually the right one. There might be some disagreement on this observation. I know some people can fuck multiple people even if they are serious about only one of them. I'm not sure I can do this....I can certainly fuck multiple women, I've proven this to myself (it wasn't easy emotionally to make this switch) but I do know if I find someone I think could be a girlfriend and I'm serious about her ---- I can't be fucking another handful of women I'm not serious about. I'm sure some disagree with this idea and think it breaks the whole idea...but for me it's a huge step and leap from my old ways.

My basic experiences (i.e the data):

After spending a bit of time fucking some hookers and a few one night hookups (clubs/bars) in the first 4-6 weeks after my breakup, I started dating off Tinder and social media.

I had one Tinder date (sex on the first night --- I cut her loose after this because it wasn't going to work).

I had three Facebook dates (i.e. woman who friend requested me and I begin chatting with them). One fucked on date one and we ended up in a sugar situation, i.e. I bought her shit and she fucked like a porn star. One fucked on date three and I really liked her, but the chemistry wasn't there for a girlfriend, I flipped her to a friend and we now are platonic friends who go to lunch and shit. One fucked on date one and was down to fuck again anytime she was free.

I had one date with someone I've known for over a year via Meetup (a group activity thing is where we first met). We fucked on the first date and she was down to do it again.

I had one women pursuing me (we never quite hooked up for various reasons) who I meet at a bar a night I fucked her friend who was going out of town but apparently liked fucking me enough she told her friend to message me.

I had one woman I met via Instagram who I dated once and then we made more plans but I cut her loose (more on this in a second).

So that's 7 women, 5 of whom I had sex with and could have continued to date and 2 whom were willing to go out and likely would have ended up being sexual partners.

Now, the 8th woman is someone I meet right after my breakup. She was dating a fuck boy that I know and the night I met her I told them both that when she ended up hating him I was interested in dating her seriously. She told me that night that she wanted a stable and serious relationship.

I guess the details don't matter but this weekend they had a fight and ended things.

I told her I'd like to pursue something serious with her. She's smoking hot, 25 years old, college educated, fun, smart, speaks fluent English (important because some of the chicks I date/fuck don't speak much or any English), and she's interested in marriage/family and the same shit I want with the right partner. Btw, for anyone who's not seen any of my previous posts, I'm 54 and the age range I pursue is the 18-29 range, which makes things a little trickier, obviously.

So.....maybe some would argue that 8 is not a big enough sample size.

But, for me, I've made the choice that it's enough to know that I'm happy pursuing this one with the intention of creating a serious relationship. Perhaps I'm premature, but I've cutoff things with the others. Part of the reason has to do with getting STD tested, I'd like 3 weeks to pass without sex so I can get a test I can rely on.

This woman I'm going to pursue, she's agreed to start dating me in January after her family holiday vacation is over --- she's going out of the city at the end of this week.

I suppose this could go to shit, but the thing is, I'm only giving up women I've been having causal sex with and this is easily replaceable, especially the sugar baby who was very gracious and wished me luck.

So, yeah...this is my situation and I'll see how it goes.

Questions that come up:

How many is enough to know?

Is it premature to cut off fucking casual partners until you're really sure it's love with one you think is a super quality match?

What adjustments would you make to my strategy?

Other thoughts?