PART 1 - APPROACH ANXIETY

The unknown girl is not your enemy. She is not your prize either. In the wast majority of cases, she will at worst be a waste of your time, and at best, a lover.

If you come from a mindset where you fear her humiliating you, manipulating you, being mad at you or accusing you of sexual assault, then you view her as a threat and an enemy. Of course you will have approach anxiety then. Of course you will be nervous to flirt with her. Of course you will second guess her.

Sure, she can turn out to be an asshole. But she can also turn out to be an ally (wingman) or a friend. And whatever else she brings you, she will bring experience. Something to learn from.

OBS! If she freezes or attacks you right from the start, or if she is overly defensive, *then you can walk away. Just do it. Being overly defensive is a big red flag that she might have issues you don't want to deal with. But if not, then go ahead and see where it goes.*

Listen. Really listen.

If she doesn't find you attractive at all, then nothing will happen even if you try. Right? So what do you have to lose from trying? Just do it.

Being afraid of sexual assault allegations for talking to her is silly. Very rarely will a woman be ready to report a stranger, and even if she is, well, if you don't pick up on her being uncomfortable or an asshole before you start touching her, then you are doing something wrong. Nobody goes to jail just for verbally flirting.

Of course a false allegation CAN happen. Not all people are good people. But if you never interact with anyone, you will never learnt to be a judge of character. Do you know what? Back in the stoneage days, if you flirted with someone unknown from say a rival tribe, a jealous male could attack and kill you with a spear or something. Like, literally. This old heritage is a big reason for the social fear we still feel today. The stakes were higher back then. Even so, people took the chance, because you know, humans need to reproduce.

The world is safer now. Just do it.

PART 2 - THE DESTRUCTIVE DOMINATION DOGMA

There is some good and some bad ideas in most PUA circles. Let's discuss two of the most destructive ones now. They are connected.

  1. All guys must be very dominating or be found unattractive.

  2. The only way to avoid being run over or backstabbed is being cold and logical and never show weakness or strong emotion.

Both ideas are fucked up. Let me tell you why.

There is an argument that goes like this: Women have evolved to be attracted to dominant men, because they could protect and provide for her. This idea has merits.

Not being a pushover is good advice. The problem is when you go fanatic. Blindly thinking dominant mentality and physical strength is all that matters is one-dimensional foolishness.

Consider tribal times with hunter/gatherer societies. Is one man ever stronger than the whole tribe? No. Therefore, fitting in with the tribe was extremely important. Males who could befriend the leaders and make peace with other members was good for the tribe and for his own family. Excommunication was usually a death sentence. Social skills and cooperation abilities were therefore attractive. They still are today.

Intelligence, also attractive, since it conveys evolutionary advantages. Loyalty and kindness to the woman and the child: Attractive. A dominant man can maybe make bigger impact early on, but if he cheats on her, all is lost unless she finds a new mate. Therefore, screening for loyal guys from the start was something to consider and loyalty is something that many women will find attractive.

If you buy in to the idea that woman are manipulative and that you need to be cold and show no weakness and do merciless pickup where you basically dominate your way forward in all aspects of life, then you are fooling yourself big time. Why are you even doing this? Just to have sex? This mindset hurts the reputation of all men out there. With that mindset you will most likely only fu** girls that ARE manipulative assholes, because only those will align with your worldview. OR somehow a normal girl falls for you, just to leave you or report you for harassment, when your weird mindset kicks in again.

It is actually quite common to think that all girls like being submissve sexually. Guess what: not true. But that's the kind of girls who will sleep with you if you believe that and act it out. It is confirmation bias, nothing more. And for the love of god, don't assume someone is ok with being choked or slapped...

Now for emotions. Yes, depression and poor mental health is not very attractive, but never showing emotion because of your ego is even worse.

Showing emotion is not a weakness. Being unable to cope with your emotions is. Therefore, crying can be unattractive in some instances, like when it is combined with a victim mentality. Crying and showing vulnerability is mainly unattractive to insecure people with little maturity, who desperately crave someone perceived strong to hold them together.

Life is life. You will be challenged. You WILL experience emotion. It is in our genes, and for a good reason too. Learn to master them. A guy who blocks his emotions all the time eventually becomes unpredictable or unstable. When shit hits the fan, that is not attractive.

If you instead embrace your emotions and learn to use them to understand yourself and others better, you will become powerful. You will also become attractive. Emotionally strong individuals are extremely attractive to high quality people.

I coach this. I teach guys how to be confident and attractive without being assholes. I help them express themselves with integrity and respect. I show them how to avoid bad girls and find good ones. I encourage people to master their mindset, because when they do, they can lead themselves, their life and ultimately, even other people.

Summary: The girl is not your enemy. Don't be hers.