Disclaimer: TofuTofu’s excellent Above The Game project has attracted a lot of heat recently, based entirely on willfully misleading interpretations of the section on physical contact and escalation. Don’t buy into the hate, but it is CRUCIAL to remember that escalation requires calibration. Be confident. Be sexual. But don’t be an idiot: get a feel for the situation before deciding to take it to the next level.

I had a girl over to watch some anime. I assumed attraction: we’ve had fun, flirtatious chats before, and she was coming over for the second time in a row to hang out. Here is a simple look at how the interaction escalated physically throughout the night.

  • I teased her physically while joking around about how our days went.
  • I patted the bed with my hand as an invitation for her to sit down next to me.
  • I set up the computer, turned off the lights, and lightly pulled her to rest on my chest, with my arms on her shoulders. I gave her a brief shoulder massage while the show started.
  • After the first episode, I leaned over her to set up the second one. I leaned back. I lightly turned her chin towards my face and kissed her. She was receptive, but seemed very shy and a bit embarrassed.

This moment is make or break. You kiss a girl, and it’s not as smooth as you hoped. What do you do? ASSUME. ATTRACTION. She’s still there with you. She’s interested. Many girls are shy, inexperienced, or embarrassed. You are an understanding man who turns her on and gives her the confidence to feel good about her sexuality.

  • We watched the second episode. When it finished, I put my computer away. It was somewhat late, and we both had work the next day. She says: “I’m so tired. Let’s go to sleep!”

If a girl is sleeping with you in your bed, she is OBVIOUSLY interested in taking things further sexually. As a man, it’s usually your responsibility to find out what she’d like to do, since many girls take the passive role. Take your time, and let the sexual tension build. You don’t even know how far it’s going to go. Enjoy the moment.

  • I held her in bed. I turned her towards me, and we made out. I ran my hands around her body lazily, noting where her breath quickened. Sometimes she moved my hands away from her breasts or bottom, and was more receptive when I tried again later. At one point, I unhooked her bra while kissing. I moved on top of her, and continued kissing and caressing, while pressing my crotch rhythmically to hers. It drove her wild. You can imagine the rest ;)

Female sexuality tends to carry a much stronger psychological component than male sexuality. You might get hard at the mere thought of her naked figure, but she craves more than that. She wants to feel desired. She wants to feel beautiful. She wants to feel special. If she’s shy, she wants you to help her unlock her latent sexuality. You need to take her on a sensual journey.

Let the tension build. Enjoy exploring all of her, not just the places that turn you on. Let her know how sexy she is, how good she tastes, and what you like about her. If she’s shy, wrap her hands around your back or run them through your hair, so she knows she can touch you too.

Don’t make sex your immediate goal. It’s not a race. When you’re both deeply immersed in enjoying each other, sex is almost a foregone conclusion. And if you know how to enjoy the moment, you sincerely won’t care if she doesn’t want to have sex (and you sincerely shouldn’t!).

So, next time you have a lady over, remember:

  1. Assume attraction! and...
  2. ALWAYS BE ESCALATING! but...
  3. Remember to enjoy the moment!

And regardless of the outcome, you're going to have a great time.