Holy shit, it's been a while! I moved back to America, got a job, smoked a ton of weed, and basically ignored self improvement the entire time. I got rusty. I stagnated. Then I realized I hated my job, and got another job based around Japan again. My new job involves lots of travel (good!) with a relatively static social group living together, including many cute girls (better!). I stepped up to the plate...

...and immediately crashed and burned. I went through all the rookie mistakes: One-itis. Nice Guy Syndrome. The Pedestal. Chasing her. Buying gifts. And most damningly, forgetting that my mission must trump all. It's like I thought I could ignore the gym for a year, then jump right back in and squat 400. NO. SIR.

So I got my ass handed to me righteously. I got dark. I got sad. Then I got up, and I got to work. Back to the gym. Back to my music. Back to my studies. Back to seddit. It feels great to be on the horse again. It feels like the clouds parting and the light shining through. It feels like seeing a good friend after years apart, and that friend is The Truth.

I am thrumming. I am alive with excitement and hope. I know that failure is temporary, as long as I am willing to get back up, to keep moving, to learn, and to act on those lessons. All that negativity I felt earlier was valid, as a lesson. But I am not condemned to be that negativity, to live in that darkness. I have all the tools to keep growing and glowing. They have always been there, even when I was blind to them, willingly or unknowingly.

I do not need to stumble and grope after women, perpetually stung by the cold winds of their indifference, or at best barely comforted in the meager glow of a lukewarm romance. There are women everywhere, and there is only one of me.

I am the prize.

I will build a temple of myself, a glorious monument to achievement, passion, ambition and dedication. I will decide the course of my life, and persevere with my own interests in mind. I will not need to chase my dreams, for they rest firmly in my hands. I see proof of them with every authentic action I take.

I am the prize, and because I know I am the prize, I do not fear rejection. Women cannot reject me. They can only reject themselves from the glory of my company. If she does not like me, she was never meant to be to my liking, and I thank her for not wasting my time. There is no woman worth compromising my authenticity, for the second I do so, I am no longer the prize.

I am the prize. It may be frustrating at first, not to throw myself at every opportunity for sex. But I am worth more than sex. I deserve more than sex. I deserve a woman who excites me. I deserve a woman who respects me. I deserve a woman who intrigues me. I deserve a woman who inspires me. I deserve a woman who cares for me. Why?

Because I am the prize. How do I know I am the prize? I prove it every day, every moment, with my actions. I strive, unceasingly, to be the best version of myself. I strengthen my body. I sharpen my mind. I explore the world with an insatiable curiosity. I do not allow mediocrity to seep into my life. I do not allow others to choose my identity or decide my destiny. I make mistakes, and I laugh at them, because laughter is one of the best things there is, and then I learn from them, because a mistake is just a lesson clothed in temporary failure. I have one life, and I will not disrespect the infinite improbability of my very existence by squandering it daydreaming about what could have been.

Simply put: I demand excellence of myself—why shouldn’t I demand it of women? Love is crucial to life, but life is so much bigger than love, and only a big life, a life filled with adventure and effort and passion, will be large enough to hold love and keep it burning, without crumbling under its weight or being consumed in its fire.

I don’t worry about them, and when I do, I remember not to. I worry about me. Why? Because.

I am the prize.

EDIT: Wow, I didn't expect this to blow up at all! I'm very happy to see others get inspired and GET TO WORK! For the haters, I can understand how this seems arrogant or narcissistic, but this post comes from a place of humility. I thought I could be The Prize without doing the work, and life served me a huge slice of humble pie. Woe unto he who shirks doing the work. To better yourself, you must understand your faults. So I owned up. I started doing the work. I realized that doing the work is the source of all that is good in a man's life.

Being the prize is not about unreasonable self-aggrandizement. It is about commitment to becoming a better person. It is about taking PRIDE in having the strength and perseverance to make that commitment. If you choose, day in and day out, to walk the difficult, righteous path of being better than you were the day before, then I salute you. And you deserve to feel damn good about yourself, to feel valuable, to feel sexy, and to feel like women would be lucky to have you.