So this is my first article on Seddit. I have been lurking and commenting on others posts, but I have decided to write and post things that I have learned from my experiences in order to help out others. Plus, I haven’t really seen a whole bunch of new material and wanted to provided something fresh and different. I appreciate any feedback on this so thanks in advance!

It’s an exciting moment when you meet a beautiful woman that you are into. You set up a time, place to meet and get excited about said day when it gets near. When the day finally comes, you get up, look and dress your best and you smile as you get ready to go and meet. Suddenly, you experience the one frustration that every man goes through every now and then: she flakes on you. Whether she texts you that she cannot make it at the last minute or does not show up, it can be a blow to any man’s self esteem no matter if you’re a beginner or a season veteran: getting flaked on sucks.

When it happens, you start to begin the endless barge of pointless questions: what did I do wrong? Does she like me? Is she playing games? Did I read the IOIs wrong?

Sometimes it gets to the point where you get so angry that you decided to delete her number and say “NEXT!” (as some seddit members will say). There are even some moments, you decide to call her out on it because it is a sign of disrespect; that you will not tolerate a woman wasting your time because you somehow think you are better than she is. In a last attempt effort, you even decided to re-engage her with elaborate, cute ways to call her out on her flaking to try and get her into wanting to see you again.

We, as men, have all gone through this; I have gone through this. I have tried all the things I have mentioned above. I “next” girls and deleted their numbers, only to wonder what went wrong and rethink the moves I made (often ending up clueless and confused). I have called out girls on it, only to end up looking like an assertive douchebag that put on a playful, fun façade. When I tried to re-engage girls with an elaborate ruse or technique to spark her interest once more, it sometimes works…but often ends up failing and some end up thinking I was assuming they were playing games.

However, all the above is just based on assumption that the reason she flaked is because she didn’t have an interest in you.

For example: This past week, I was flaked by an HB7. In fact, I knew she was going to flake ahead of time that I made plans with other friends. By the end of the night, I didn’t get a text from her. Then the next day, I didn’t hear from her. No text, nothing at all. Upset and disappointed by this, I deleted her number and “next” her. Even though I was use to flaking, I couldn’t let this girl go. Not due to onetis, but I couldn’t understand it. When we went out the first time, she was having a good time, showing me positive IOIs, suggesting future plans with me, etc. Basically, my intuition and experience told me: “Yes, spacemonkeypunx, she is very interested in you! She is attracted to you! No doubt about it! 90% sure about this!” As I sat in my room, listening to music and painting my latest piece, it dawned on me: I was not giving her the benefit of the doubt. She is a person with her own life and friends and I was a stranger that she was still getting to know. Even though she was interested in me, she did not value me like I did her. So I looked for her number on my backup assistant app, waited a couple of days, and re-engaged her (no games, no techniques) and offered her to join me at a coffee shop where I usually write and draw. She responded happily and was excited to meet up with me!

So what have I learned from this and other experiences? Well here are some of my thoughts on women and flaking:

You asked her out, but it’s not a date.

I have been taught in past (as many of you have learned I’m assuming), when you ask a girl out, you make sure not to mention the word “date.” When you use this four letter word, you put unnecessary pressure on her and not only put her in a different mindset, but you as well. Instead, "Lets hang out" or “You should come and join me to do so-so” is better because there is no pressure and it is more relaxing.

However, here is the flaw: it gives more flexibility in terms of cancelling and flaking. Think about it. When your friends ask you to hang out, sometimes you flake on them. Same thing with new people you meet, sometimes you have to flake on them and tell them maybe another time. It happens. If they’re really cool about it, then they will understand that sometimes you’re not up to whatever plans you made and you (or they) will reschedule with you another time.

It’s the same with women. You’re just “hanging out” and not “dating”. If they’re willing to go out with you in the first place, then it’s probably not their interest levels.

In other words, don’t make a big deal out of it. You didn’t put pressure on her into meeting you in the first place, so why are you going to lose your cool when she decides to cancel or flake?

Your Value on Her is Too High

It’s like when you meet new friends. You think they are cool and wouldn’t mind hanging out with them, but sometimes you don’t feel like hanging out with them right away. I have a strong social group of friends that I love being around but whenever I meet a new friend, I rarely have time for them. Sometimes I forget that I made other plans and double schedule. So my friends get priority first, while the new ones get the backburner. It’s not because I don’t like them, it’s because they are new people and I’m just getting to know them. It’s the same with women.

You meet this girl, you are really into her, and can’t wait to hook up with her! You made a great connection, you made her feel sexual and comfortable, and you think you have her wanting more. However, what you don’t realize is that although she feels the same way about you, she hasn’t put a value as high as yours. Don’t feel bad, she probably digs you and likes you, but you ARE just someone she just met. She has friends, family and other people that have a higher value than you and will make time for them first. She does not know that you have placed a high value on her and makes seeing you as an option. She assumes it is the same with you; you just met and you have a low value on her as well.

As the old saying goes, don’t her on the pedestal. She hasn’t placed you on it, so why should you? You have a life! Hell, see other girls and have fun with them. Wait for a while and re-engage her once more. No cute games, just ask her out again.

Be Understanding

Yea, she flaked on you. Yea, you’re pissed. What are you gonna do about it? Absolutely nothing.

Just like when you cancel on new/old friends, stuff comes up. Your friends understand so why can’t you be understanding with a stranger? Show her that you’re on her side, avoid her feeling trapped and making her explain herself. Don’t even try to reschedule; let her bring that up. Don’t rush her or make her commit to a future date. Remember, you have a life of your own and her flaking has no effect on your attitude towards her. It’s not that big of a deal. When you treat it like that, she’s far more likely to feel at ease and comfortable meeting up with you another time.

If You Feel Like You Did Everything Right, You Probably Did

When you practice, you get better and better and learn from your mistakes. That’s what experience generally is: learning from your mistakes and improving upon it. Experience in the field helps and we often forget to reflect upon past encounters and women. Remember when you got friend zoned because you decided to be comfortable instead of being sexual? Remember when you forgot to kino with that one hot girl? You remember when you were clueless about reading a woman’s actions and just focused on her words? If you made improvements on those mistakes and moved forward, you should be making progress. In fact, your game should be a bit more solidified and it should start becoming an instinct. If you got a “gut feeling” about something, 4 out 5 times you are probably right about it.

In short, don’t over analyze the flaking. If you know you attracted her, then don't worry about it.

Now as you read those points, please remember this: some women flake on you because they are not interested

What I pointed out is just my views and experience. If you should take anything away from this article is the to remember that flaking happens but don't just assume there is no attraction.

If a woman flakes on you, don't be affected by it. Just be chill and re-engaged later. If she flakes more than twice, then it's probably not going anywhere.

tl;dr Flaking happens. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Enjoy your life and friends and reschedule with her later on.