This is part 3 of my followup to my introductory newbie guide.

This section will cover Conversational Mastery, Escalation, and Closing & Pulling.

The goal of approaching is to be in a position to have an extended conversation and escalate things towards a romantic relationship, or without escalation in which you create friendships. You do this by building commonalities, using past & future projections, and seeding reasons to meet again later and/or to continue the interaction at another venue.

The first step in building new relationships is identifying and cultivating commonalities. Stretch the conversation out through past & future projections, create a link in her mind using memories, imaginary as they are, and branch off of statements. Nearly every statement has two topics (or more). Natural conversation isn't questions followed by answers, it's mostly statements spun off into new directions. This is the "gift of gab". The baseline "secret" of doing this is to follow this simple rule:

Relate your experiences back to her using THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS.

When telling a story don't just spit out a bunch of facts of events and what happened. Tell her what was running through your head and what you were feeling when the event occurred. Use analogies as well for things that women might be more familiar with (shopping & movies are huge).

Bad conversation:

My TV broke last weekend during the game so picked up a new one Monday after work and of course Best Buy sucked as usual.

Good conversation:

I was watching TV last weekend and just as my favorite team was making the last drive to tie the game it broke. Just...poof. Nothing. I was soooo frustrated. Have you ever been watching something you were so into and then your power or cable go out and you miss a really important part? Doesn't that suck? Worst still is when I went to Best Buy the sales people were no help. Ever been shopping and everyone sorta just ignores you? Hellooo! I'm right hear people! Talk about frustrating. You know what I mean? I just kept thinking to myself 'I wonder what would happen if I just made up some popcorn in the appliances section and kicked off my shoes and lounged on the couch and popped a movie into the display setup they have?' That would kick ass and you KNOW they'd come running to see what's up.

Get the idea? Thoughts, emotions, and use what I call "checking in" to see if they're following along:

  • You know what I mean...
  • Have you ever...
  • You want them nodding their head, or even better piggybacking on your conversation thread and injecting their own stories as they relate to yours.

Building Commonalities

There are several types of commonalities:

  1. Direct commonalities - the things you have in common

  2. Indirect commonalities - things your friends may have in common with her, or her friends may have in common with you

  3. Negative commonalities - you know nothing about the topic but would like to learn more

You build commonalities through the following methods:

  • Respond with a fact
  • Respond with a description using thoughts and emotions
  • Negative commonalities as a rapport break
  • Clarify commonalities using 4WH (see below)
  • Personal stories focusing on the topic at hand, not yourself

There are 3 general rules when building commonalities and having conversations:

  1. It should flow like a multilayer cake. You give a little, she gives a little
  2. Statements then questions, not just question after question after question
  3. REWARD, then statement, then question

Note: 1 & 2 touches on Verticle vs Horizonal converation, 3 is basically Qualification

Vertical vs Horizontal

A good way of getting them invested in the conversation is vertical conversation. Horizontal is the surface stuff, basic AFC questions that feels like an interview rather than an honest conversation. Vertical digs deeper and marries together building commonalities and getting them to jump through hoops via qualification.

Check-ins also help keep vertical conversations going:

What was that like?

Really? Tell me more.

4WH

As shown above, check-ins often make use of 4WH, which is a great way of getting more open-ended answers: What, Why, When, Where, How? Who is already covered since it's you or her.

Seeding the Conversation

The goal of the preceding conversational tactics is to draw out information from a woman and to keep a conversation going. The reason for this is to build some rapport and generate some investment on her part, which is what translates to attraction. The following explains what to do with that information in leading up to the close. Keep in mind that "closing" in this sense is different from closing mentality which is a whole other topic, so I won't cover that. What I'm providing here is what gets you their contact details, nothing more.

The first step in closing is actually identifying commonalities, which is a large part of why one needs to become conversationally savvy. Generating investment through qualification and making statements are simple ways of making sure they'll want to keep things going. Another good way of making sure you talk about topics they're interested in. The 4 most important topics people generally care about are:

  • Relationships & people
  • Hobbies
  • Career/jobs
  • Travel

If you're after younger women then you might want to discuss topics more specific to this demographic as evidenced by female media geared towards their age range (eg Cosmo):

  • Beaches
  • Shopping
  • Movies
  • Partying

Ideally the topics you wish to discuss should be ones that are important to you, just as you would with qualification. This is important because the commonalities you build will be based on real-life experiences or aspirations you might have.

Once you’ve got some topics picked out, relate something about yourself to one of them and you're off to a great start. While discussing these topics you’re actually seeding reasons to close them whether you realize it or not, so don’t just touch on a subject and change the subject. Actually spend some time talking about the topics. Get detailed, and use the skills I spoke of previously, namely describing how you feel and think when performing the activities that are the topic of conversation. Don't do what most guys do and just mention something and then move away from that conversational thread onto another topic. Flesh things out a bit. Qualify them on the topics at hand. This is how you create a genuine connection and get them invested.

Escalation

Escalation should take place from start to finish, from shaking hands, to high fives, to slapping her ass, to making out and eventually a sexual relationship.

The goal of escalation is to close the physical gap between you and make her comfortable with more contact.

  • Physical - Closing the gap between you, overt contact that leads to sexual interaction
  • Verbal - Escalating to talking about sex. A good flow is from people to relationships to sex.
  • Eye contact will also be a good cue when she's ready for more, there will type of eye contact that indicates this vibe. Experience will be your teacher on this one.

Physical contact is pretty self explanatory. Verbal escalation can be abstract or you could talk about 3rd parties or sex in general. Vin DiCarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder is pretty solid IMO and is something I refer my students to when it comes to learning more about physical escalation.

Plausible deniability is a critical tool you can use to escalate without getting in trouble. One I like to use is having other girls escalate for me, like taking a girl's hand and slapping another girl's butt. This way I'm breaking that line, but not really, and it's a fun way of breaking rapport.