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Not having a good reference point (boundaries) due to psychopathic father and AD HD

Showbizmidget · 2019-01-29T17:39:15+00:00

Due to a bad upbringing and in addition having Ad Hd I find social situations difficult. I have tried so many things, what should I do to fix this?...

Showbizmidget

January 29, 2019

4 upvotes

/r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	Not having a good reference point (boundaries) due to psychopathic father and AD HD
Author	Showbizmidget
Upvotes	4
Comments	13
Date	January 29, 2019 5:39 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/al2g6p/not_having_a_good_reference_point_boundaries_due/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-having-a-good-reference-point-boundaries-due.1461398 https://theredarchive.com/post/1461398

Comments

[–]DeepBuilder89 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]DeepBuilder89 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]DeepBuilder89 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

So you have plenty of time.

Dont try to be what they are overnight. Learn to be more social, find friends who can mentor you in various ways, doesnt even have to be about girls. You need to concern yourself with gaining new positive life experiences that will propel you further in life. Become an interesting and successful person. Go on adventures so you have stories to share, read, find passions/hobbies, become friends with women to be completely comfortable around them, etc. Self improvement first and foremost.

You are so very young, even in a couple years think about how much further along you'll be if you stay on the right path. Find solid ground so that every day you wake up ready to confront life head on as a self sufficient person, so that in 10 years you will have lived more than most.

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

So you have plenty of time.

Dont try to be what they are overnight. Learn to be more social, find friends who can mentor you in various ways, doesnt even have to be about girls. You need to concern yourself with gaining new positive life experiences that will propel you further in life. Become an interesting and successful person. Go on adventures so you have stories to share, read, find passions/hobbies, become friends with women to be completely comfortable around them, etc. Self improvement first and foremost.

You are so very young, even in a couple years think about how much further along you'll be if you stay on the right path. Find solid ground so that every day you wake up ready to confront life head on as a self sufficient person, so that in 10 years you will have lived more than most.

I just copied this and pasted it into a document so I will never forget. Although this is still easier said than done. I have tried to improve myself over this past year with little success in my eyes. I realized that these things take a long time to develop and that's okay. I have many plans for the future, where I want to experience life for what it really is and fear that these plans might be as fun as I imagined them to be and that's why I want to fix it now so I can assure myself that I will be confident and comfortable enough to be able to have fun and not worry, but maybe I don't need to worry.

[–]DeepBuilder89 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link

It's all about incremental development, one foot in front of the next. I have ADHD too, I know how it is. Anxiety and distractibilty will both be issues you'll have to overcome. Routine is very important, and what that requires is self discipline. You have the motivation and desire to improve and that's key so you're doing well. Dont be hard on yourself, avoid being self critical. Learn to recognize your errors as you go along and develop a mentality that will learn and improve from them rather than defeat yourself.

Despite the traumas you underwent growing up, your situation for this journey is ideal because your brain is still developing and you can learn new behavioral patterns without having to undo a whole bunch of negative ones that you would accrue otherwise. Definitely avoid drugs and alcohol, they will not help you and addiction is a bad thing to fall prey to, very easy to do for someone with ADHD. Exercise is key, 30 minutes a day is plenty. Any kind will do so long as you keep doing it. I think learning a martial art is ideal for all of these things and will give you a sense of self security that you wouldnt have otherwise. Also meditation, if you can develop just this one practice it will do you a whole world of good. If you have a bad day and are feeling unmotivated just take a calm leisurely walk. Become comfortable and at ease in your own body. Listen to podcasts while you do, keep your mind fed with knowledge. Theres an endless amount of it and you will become very sophisticated doing so.

Who you keep around as a social circle will be key. The people around you have an huge impact on your own personal development. Part of being in control of your life is about making the right choices with the kinds of people you keep in your life. Who you meet now will most likely not be a relevant connection later, so keep that in mind and just focus on yourself. And if you can be a positive influence on someone else thats great, just dont let negativity invade your own sense of self worth.

The weird thing about growing older is that age really is just a number, you will find that how you exist now, your ever present sense of being, never changes. What does is your mentality, good or bad.

You definitely dont need to worry about things, time for now is on your side. You may have issues that you struggle with, but these can all be dealt with so long as you make the effort to do so.

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]DeepBuilder89 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Its a good question. Start a journal. Write down your thoughts, what ever they are, your perceptions, what youre feeling and why you think your feeling them, your questions, things you dont understand, etc. This will help you cognize and be more aware of what youre going through and your state of mind. You will also really appreciate having it to look back on when youre older. You can also keep a list of things to do throughout the day, chore wise and routines. Its about starting consistent and productive actions, even if they dont seem like anything significant starting out. The more you train your brain to be task oriented the easier success in life will be.

This is all advice I wish someone had given me when I was your age, so I'm happy to give it. The world is your oyster, you can be whatever you want to be as long as you make the effort to become it. Its hard work but nothing comes easy.

A really good thing to understand is that everything youre doing will exist somewhere in your memory when you're older. You want to avoid creating bad memories as they will effect your self perception. The more positive experiences you can generate and negative ones you can avoid the healthier you will be. Its often hard to realize this until its too late, so make a conscious effort to be aware of what you are doing and why

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]DeepBuilder891 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Showbizmidget[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link