Hello Reddit Community,

I am a 24 year old black male college student and I am a virgin. I have been studying game for 3 years. I grew up in a conservative household and went to a pre-dominantly white high school and college. I was never attracted to Black women until I came to college. On the outside, people would say on that I am smart, successful, educated, intelligent and have a great professional future in front of me in science. On the inside, I feel miserable and dissatisfied with my lack of social experiences.

The Conservative Beginning Being a track, football athlete, with a laidback go-easy personality, humor, and fit body frame, I thought women would naturally be attracted to me. In my military home, I was engrained at a young age that sex before marriage was bad, baby mamas are bad, drinking alcohol is bad, being the black stereotype shown on TV is bad. High school passed, no gfs, no lays, no prom dates, no numbers. 3 years into college, with those beliefs I met plenty of average girls in my science classes but none that really captured my attention in a sexual/attraction manner. One day an amazingly beautiful Malaysian girl, that I had met back in my first year, asked me to the University Graduation Ball and I was ecstatic. (I bought condoms!) However, my over-zealousness and naive nature at the time undermined the positives of our fun night at the Ball (It was a LJBF close). I got over-attached, oneitis, bought her all these gifts only to be met with un-returned phone calls and voice mails. I was frustrated and angered with myself. I realized that my conservative views of life, relationships, and dating had really blinded me to the realities of the social world and had ultimately hurt myself and my progression as a real man.

Enlightenment That summer, I discovered David DeAngelo, Richard La Ruina, Tyler Durgen, Neil Strauss, Mystery, "The Game". I started doing meditation, studying theory and going to night clubs in Jersey. I joined a black fraternity, and immediately my social life changed. Black women, sorority girls I would have never met within my circle of science nerds were attracted to me and texting me. Using all the David Deangelo "Cocky Funny", Sarcasm, High Value humor, Kino, I started getting lots of interests from Black women on multiple campuses. I had my first kiss at age 21! I ended up sleeping with a Track Athlete, Sorority President, and the Organizer of a Service Club! (The extent of all these were kissing, making-out, remove her clothes, eat pussy, and then she'd say she didn't want to go all the way) Those unfinished experiences really left a hunger and resentment inside me. I got irritated, I got frustrated, and I ended up trying to control these girls when in reality I was insecure and depressed about my own incompetence, poor social skills, and inferiority against the other men these women were texting and actually fucking. I became envious and deeply jealous of my brothers, with their screenshots, sex videos, cool-guy oversized ego attitude, and the fact that all the girls knew these guys were fucking their sorority sister, close friend, whoever... yet women always treated them as the cool, normal guy never questioning their behavior (pre-selection...). I was young, social unaware, and I lost out on so many easy lays and girls that would have been with me. It bothers viciously and carnally, even to this day, that I ultimately failed and never had sex in what was probably the easiest time to do it in my life.

Real World Having progressed out of undergrad into graduate school, I now face new challenges. Fraternity was a route to my social life but now I have to actually be someone who is attractive, has the lifestyle, social circles, confidence, inner game, and the balls to act on their emotions. Being in a small black population at a pre-dominantly white college, I am cautious to really game girls hard and potentially damage my social and professional reputation. I mainly focus on just building genuine friendships and actually treating women like normal people. I typically make weekend road trips to Baltimore and Philadelphia but traveling by myself, hours on the road, travel money, club covers, and fees are something I can't see myself doing long-term at least for the next 2 years of my studies.

Self-Diagnosis I have approach anxiety, I feel awkward opening a girl I have never met, a stranger, whatever in a club setting. Trying to approach a girl for "twerk" is stressful and makes me so anxious. I hate being in the black club and waving my hands like a rapper just to fit into the crowd. (I do legitimately love the music and typically enjoy it when I'm with friends, but I travel by myself since I do drive backs from the city at 3am and 4am so I am usually alone). I ultimately, do the Black club because I know that the girls I am attracted to, would be in those environments. I feel jealous about other people's success (mainly due to frustration with my own scarcity). I feel insecure knowing that a girl I liked/admired got fucked by a man I completely despise. (Control issues...Comparing myself...Inferiority Complex). I almost feel as though I cannot talk to/or trust men with my own emotions, weaknesses, and inabilities to fuck the women I want. This has negatively impacted me by becoming a recluse at times. I see everything my fraternity brothers are discussing about women, sex, being awesome but I feel so terrible being vulnerable and essentially seen as the wuss of the group so I never say how I'm feeling. Conversely, this has lead to me overly confiding in women and trusting them too much, often leading to women no longer being sexually interested in me. I don't want ratchet, easy, give-it-away lays. I really want the ambitious, attractive, confident, sexy, intelligent professional women that knows how to have fun and get loose from time to time.

What Are You Doing About It? Years ago, I hired a local dating coach experienced in PUA, he was practically a club promoter for Philadelphia. He helped me understand the importance of attractive lifestyle, naturally being a cool dude, and actually buying people drinks for the sake of just having fun with no expectations. Though I don't work with him anymore, due to him moving away, I remember the lessons and experiences we had.

I do Salsa dancing. I teach group classes at my university, (typically don't game anyone to protect social image and my reputation within small group). I have been dancing for 2 years doing lessons at Baltimore. I always get compliments on the dance floor so its has helped my self-esteem with receiving a positive source of admiration, validation, and acknowledgement for what I can do. People are friendly, easy-going, and extremely easy to talk with.

I do Meditation. I started with "Inner Game Installed" years ago but recently got involved with Kelly Howell. I listen to her Universal Mind Meditation every night. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tF14GnCJqk Very relaxing and helps clear up anxiety and issues I may have in the day.

I listen to personally recorded affirmations with "I am..." and "You are.." statements for my self-esteem, confidence, people skills, attraction, and masculinity. I listen to podcasts particularly Angel Donovan https://www.datingskillsreview.com/ for social, dating, game, expert perspective along with Tim Ferriss http://fourhourworkweek.com/podcast/ for topics on mastery, world class performance, and really living an over-all well rounded life. I have a vision board with pictures of women (professional headshots) that desire and hope to be with in the future.

I Road Trip to Baltimore and Philly for young professional events. So I typically roll out there and introduce myself to business men, entrepreneurs, and women. It provides me with a great opportunity to also reach out to old college buddies and reconnect while I'm in town. Ultimately, these events help me build the social, talking, conversational skills so I can attract a women in the first place. My clothing and style is well-received and I get lots of compliments from guys and girls being called "GQ" and "High Fashion Man".

I maintain a healthy lifestyle. I cook my own meals. (Meat, Veggies, Startches). I workout. I am active in campus social groups and part of a flag football team. I keep a moderately updated social media with travel photos and friends.

What do you want out of this reddit? 1. Honest Feedback 2. Support Network 3. Guidance 4. Place to be myself and be vulnerable 5. Share my experiences and journey

What do you bring to the table? Being a black scientific, physically fit, graduate student. I am detailed, articulate, and I feel as though I can provide unique comments on the pick-up /seduction experience from the perspective of the "black nerd". In addition, I can provide clarity on the challenges of leaving college campuses, entering the city, and trying to game professional women.

Closing I plan to post ideas, field reports, and philosophical rants from time to time. I hope to stay connected with you guys as I keep forward with my journey. I appreciate all your support. Thanks