At the age of 18 I finished high school and took a gap year. During my gap year I did a lot! Tried different things: from volunteering at orphanages and youth correction facilities to doing different construction work, event organising, filming and video editing and a lot of other things. I like making people smile and do go out of my way for someone else. At the moment I’m 22 year old student. I have a job and am doing pretty well. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. I work-out regularly, attend 2 different martial ass classes just to better myself. I like reading, I LOVE cats, white chocolate, I like Disney shows, I do shed a tear or much more during movies, especially ones that you can see compassion and warmth in people. Don’t get me wrong, I do not cry, but I do shed a tear or two at those moments when I see a glimpse of good in someone. I remember once making a joke about my dad shedding a tear during a movie when I was like 12-13. My grandmas words: “If you cry, that means you have a hearth”. Since then I’ve never seen it as a sign of weakness, but as a sign of compassion.
I might not be the most confident guy over there or the most handsome, (7 facial features, 8 body as I heard) but when I see a beautiful girl with a guy that treats her wrong, I think to myself: In what way is that guy better than me and what made her choose him over any other guy. Sometimes I do see something that might be slightly interesting about that specific guy for a lady, but that doesn’t make up for everything else he lacks. I do try to acquire that skill. That is why I have such a broad range of different skills. Tho I seem very interesting and amusing to myself, girls doesn’t seem to think like that (I guess). Now… I never had a girlfriend. I have many girl-friends, but never found that special one for me. (Lost my virginity at 21 due to peer pressure, tho It was not like I was saving myself for someone.) Now the problem is im not one of those guys who go out for one night stands. Who fucks, lies and leaves a girl. I’d like to get to know a person first, get to know her interests, things she likes and dislikes. That takes me back to the many situations that when trying to know a girl, a guy appears who takes her out for a walk and fuck her the same night. Now if that happens, I lose interest in her IMMEDIATELY. From smart, beautiful, interesting girl she goes down in my eyes immediately and I lose interest completely. Now what I hate the most are those “girls” who take everything for grated and think they’re the best and everyone should throw their hats down for them. Anyway…I do know a lot of people and they trust me. They tell me their secrets, seek for advice and know I’m a trustworthy person. I never lash out on people and am quite calm and collective person. But I do think some people are not worth my time. They have no sense what they’re doing and just YOLO around. You know, those simple minded people who just drag you down. At the moment what I’m missing in my life is a girl. A girl, who would be interesting and would have a hobby which they would be passionate about. It is not much on looks, I rather get a girl who is, let’s say, a 4-5, but has something she loves doing and is motivated, than a 10 who smokes and drinks so much that they can barely walk anywhere. Sometimes I just want a hug, some warmth from a person, to be exact. I really miss cuddling and watching movies together and everything else that comes with relationship. I would appreciate some advice, because if this continues I’m gonna end up old with a lot of time spent being a good guy who never gets the girl. Now what I think I need is to become more like a douchebag, treat girls like shit and they will cling to me like to other people I know that does just that. But It’s really hard to get myself to that level…