Hi seddit, 20m here. I've read No More Mr. Nice Guy and Models and thoroughly understand the material, and it makes me really excited because the former in particular really spoke to how I developed as a person. However, I'm having serious problems applying the material to my life.

Some of it's easy, like speaking in a dominant way. And it gets results! I saw a huge change in my interactions with women based solely on how I spoke to them. But it still feels like a mask that I glue on top of the way that I'm comfortable interacting -- which is fine. Growing pains, yeah? But I'm at this stage where I feel like my frame is not congruent and it's hurting me.

I read somewhere (perhaps on Seddit) that "Shy guys live their life like they're in front of a mirror." This is me. I'm always in my own head. I act very bold and confident (and I have a right to. I kick ass at my job, I'm paid very well for my age and experience and I live a badass life. No kidding, I'm doing fantastically well.), but in my own head I'm not that guy yet. To give you an idea, here are some examples.

1) Two men (20s) enter the building where I work, one with physical disabilities requiring a walker, and both with much trouble speaking coherently. I go out of my way to be overly nice to them to make it clear to WHOEVER IS WATCHING that I don't discriminate based on disability. And this is true, I couldn't care less about disabilities or differences between people. I treat everyone equally. But I freak out in my head because now I'm thinking "He knows I'm treating him too well. He thinks I'm not treating him like just another guy, but that I'm being nice to him because he's disabled and he's judging me for it." I even fantasize about OTHER PEOPLE THINKING "Wow. What a nice, caring, non-judgmental guy. He really made those two feel at home." I do this a LOT, Seddit. I love to fantasize about people thinking good things about me.

2) I'm working and I'm being watched by somebody. Even though I know I've already done everything I was working on, I'll find some meaningless bs to do with my hands so that my onlooker will KNOW that I'm a productive and capable guy. Even though I shouldn't. Even though I should just relax since I don't answer to anybody but myself.

Seddit, I'm always in my own head. I overthink everything. How do I relax and just live in the moment? And how do I truly adopt the dominant frame and mindset without it feeling like a bunch of altered speech to cover up what I'm feeling?

One more question. I'm chatting with a coworker, and in person, I'm fantastically assertive and dominant and I can tell that she loves it. (This is a whole separate issue; I'm incredibly, fantastically seductive as soon as I KNOW that she likes me. But that's because I know what she's thinking. At any time when I don't know what she's thinking I become incredibly insecure and second-guess myself at every juncture. It's not fun, guys.) But she's responding in kind, being very dominant with me, and I don't know how to shut it down.

For example, over text tonight, even when I told myself I would be the one to end the interaction, she hit me with "Sorry to say that I'm falling asleep. Text me tomorrow if you want to continue to talk." This is exactly the thing Seddit would advise I say! She speaks all in statements now, too. Is this her testing my frame to see if I'll rise above? I don't want to make it a pissing contest, (She told me to give her my number and I told her to give me hers instead, which I guess was dominant (and she submitted) but it felt inorganic, I just texted her afterward anyway...) but I want to respond in a non-reactive, alpha way, not just to her but to everyone I interact with, and I don't know how to rise above a situation like that.

I can tell that she's overthinking her interactions with me, too, because she gives herself away all the time (texting me repeatedly when I don't answer, etc)... At one point a few days ago, following an interaction where I refused to add her on Facebook because I didn't know her well enough to consider a friend, she said "Well, how close are we as friends if we're not friends on Facebook?" to which I responded, "Who are you again?" -- See, I can do it! I can be playful... but enough with the word-vomit.

Tl;dr I can respond in dominant ways but it doesn't feel congruent and it sucks when that's tested and I'm not the person I'm trying to project. What do? I know how to look like I don't give a damn, but inwardly I really, really do.