So, I went to college thinking I would get laid all the time (because thats whats on tv/movies) and it wasn't quite like that. All the girls flocked to the select few cool guys who had sex all the time, and me and the rest of the chumps went home to jack off. This was my freshman year of college, and for more reasons than just my failure to interact with the fairer sex, it fucking sucked.

I began to try and improve myself, and make my social life better. Part of this was to begin reading seduction material (Models by Mark Manson was one that I really felt good about), and to try and make myself a better person. Began hitting the gym, focused on school/my career, tried things I had always wanted to try but was too complacent/too much of a pussy to do (rock climbing, DJing, summer softball "beer league").

I began to go out more (especially once I turned 21) and approach. Focused on becoming the life of the party and having FUN. I feel like I've made a conciousnes effort, but its just not getting me where I want to be. I won't act like I didn't see differences in my life: I was happier with who I am, I made a lot more friends (mostly dudes), I didn't feel invisible on campus anymore.

However, I just can't seem to fucking get laid. I think I have severe issues with self limiting beliefs (I'm bald{hairline receding since 19, decided to just shave it all off rather than look increasingly pathetic each day}, short {5'4"}, and Indian{not the most popular race with the ladies...the facts sort of bare this one out}

Lately, this had been getting worse for me. I used to tell myself that I just needed to keep approaching, that it was a numbers game, that I'd get better,.....

I started to get bitter and decided to step away from trying to meet girls for a little. Figured I would read some material on inner game, that I would find it was all in my head, and that I would go back to working on me and eventually getting laid. I did that. I'm back. and I'm failing fucking miserably. I'll go to the bars with friends and see all my 6 foot plus, white, muscular friends get swarmed with girls without even trying. They walk in, some girl will inevitably make eye contact with them, they say a few words, and boom shes fucking hooked. At times its had me questioning what about me is so inferior that I can't seem to get any female attention.

Honestly, this is the worst part. Substituting internet pornography for a healthy sex life sucks, but its not the worst thing in the world. Its this shitty feeling I can't shake, that something about me isn't good enough, because if it wasn't that I would've seen some sort of improvement by now. Just something. I'm not asking to be banging 10's every night just from reading a few shitty self-help books. I just don't see how I can continue to keep my inner game tight when my results are so demoralizing.

I spent a good year thinking that I was definitely good enough, and that all I had to do was keep working at it and I'd gradually find success with enough practice, but after a year and no discernible difference in my sex life, isn't continuing to think that I just need more practice willfull fucking ignorance? I need help. I need to find a way to get myself out of the rut that I'm in. Its not even the specific rejections that get me anymore, its just this hopeless feeling that I'm starting to get that these rejections are all I'm every going to get.

Fuck.