I noticed tonight that when one girl shit tested me, my responses took a moment as I thought it through. As scary as that moment was, she respected my pause. And, she responded positively. Either, I challenged her shit tests through asking a question like: "Does it look like...(xyz)" or drawing out what she said in a sarcastic tone. Regardless, we were really digging each other. She isolated with a game and I bought her a drink. Seamless. A new friend even rolled into the picture and I engaged him and acted cool with smiles and positivity. Took a bathroom break and before leaving told her I had to pee. Tapped her on the knee and smiled. Walked away. I remember telling myself in the bathroom that if she is with my friend that is fine. And just reinforced that point laughing at myself and having a good time in the bathroom- ie: saying hello to guys walking in, (sometimes tell jokes), and just smiling. When I returned she was all mine. I suggested we sit and we did. Having my arm around her back, conversation was rolling well until. I. Messed. Up. She told me about the sports she did in high school. XY softball. And I replied: "Yeah that makes sense because it is kinda dike-ish. She said what, and retrospectively this was one of those whats like -you can apologize now I like you whats. I tried to play off my fault with sarcasm, but it did not work. Luckily, I gathered the balls to apologize later, but that was no help. Retrospectively, I should have taken her out of the bar sooner. My neediness got to me and I said something stupid. Regardless, currently, because I am further along in this dig than yesterday, I am looking at my failure in a positive light. How and why: I initiated conversation with her I passed the shit tests with thoughtfulness I joked with her during our game I isolated her with a drink I deflected my friend's challenges I remained positive improving my state I isolated again I flirted- "You have beautiful x, but what's with these" Honestly, I was knockin it out of the park And, for that, I am happy :)

So pat yourself on the back for the little things you accomplish. Every. single. day.

LOVE