Seemingly Hopeless Situation

TactfulFractal · 2012-09-08T19:44:42+00:00

Get into mountain biking, hiking, climbing, surfing, something you can do that's outdoors-y and is doable alone (since you are in rebuild mode as far as a social circle goes). Surfing and mountain biking are dangerous to do alone I believe, so maybe not those, yet. But you get the idea.

I recommend these things because you're already in decent shape and that will only improve. Lots of women like to do these things; they're cheap date spots and you're going to get more quality (mentally, and obviously physically) women accepting date offers to go do something fun outdoors than if you're asking them out to bars.

That's the second thing: don't go to meat-market type bars and clubs. You know the type, where it's all people just looking for sex. If you need that for self-confidence, go for it, but know that a one-night-stand's ego-boost is going to be temporary. It's more fulfilling to your own mental state to get to know some people and start dating casually with people who you actually like, and who actually like you. Take classes at the community college and meet people there, you're young enough. When you get older classes at the community college can make you feel like an old man in a sea of kids, so go now while you're young.

As far as AA goes, I know that's tough man. You've got to reach the point where that feeling of self-disgust upon talking yourself out of yet-another approach outweighs the dread you feel when you want to approach women. Some pointers: -The best thing to say is almost almost ALWAYS going to be the first thing that popped into your head. A huge hangup for a lot of people is thinking too much about what to say and not just SAYING. You've got not much of a social circle, right? Then what have you got to lose by saying something to a woman and she doesn't respond well? You've got nothing to lose, so just go with what your brain wanted to say in the first place, before your mind came in and fucked you up by second-guessing. This leads to my second pointer: -Outcome independence. You've got to trust yourself and start living to make yourself happy, and not give two fucks what others think. The quality of your conversation will improve hugely when you improve your self-esteem. You may not notice it, but it will be evident to others. Drug abuse almost always results in shitty self-esteem, to the point where it becomes your normal (beating up on yourself in your head, anticipating negative outcomes, talking yourself out of things you actually did want to do). For self-esteem, I've found buddhism helps. I'm not a buddhist myself, but I do really like the philosophy, in part because it can be boiled down to loving yourself and also LIKING yourself (yes, those are different things). Just learning some basic breathing techniques and calming the constant inner monologue that anxiety causes/is caused by can do wonders for your mental health and subsequently, for your self-esteem. Google Thich Nhat Hanh or the Dalai Lama and look up some of their writings, if this interests you.

Hope this helps, it's a bit rambling and stream of consciousness but these are the things that have helped me.

TerribleAtPuns · 2012-09-08T19:54:35+00:00

You're successfully doing the one thing I have consistently failed to do my entire life (routinely go to the gym). In a year or two you'll be so radically better off in every way (being in shape builds confidence, attracts women, and generally improves quality of life) that you'll look back on your current situation in disbelief that this was ever you. You're on a good fucking path, broseph

PS: the only way to get anywhere is by paying your dues now and making mistakes, so every time you feel rock bottom just remember that you're one step closer to being a god

Simba91 · 2012-09-08T17:56:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Seemingly Hopeless Situation
Author	Simba91
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	September 8, 2012 5:22 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/zk94i/seemingly_hopeless_situation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/seemingly-hopeless-situation.1338883 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338883

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