Self worth and insecurity

_SaintJimmy_ · 2019-08-19T03:49:21+00:00

Hey dude,

I'm 21 and wish I had my footing where you have it now. That sort of self awareness and humility that opens the doors to self improvement eluded me at that age, and I continued on the way I was up until very recently. I want to start by saying that you're on the right path tackling these issues now rather than putting them off, and that its totally something within your reach if you go out and apply your ideas in action (actually talking to people, actually breaking bad habits etc).

"alpha" and "give no fucks" are terms hustled around here very generically, and can be used either in a macro/abstract sense or in ways that are non-productive/signs of cope. No one actually "gives no fucks", nor are they so "alpha" that they go around choke slamming every chick on the block they want. At the same time, you're right that a lot of people try to emulate this behavior, and end up looking douchey or fake, and you certainly shouldn't fall for that trap either. In fact, girls easily spot fakers and get creeped out by it, which is why the timeless advice to "be yourself" is really not as dumb as it seems.

That being said, to be alpha or to properly not give a fuck is universally attainable and is not something out of your domain. To be an "alpha" is to exert your will unimpeded and to achieve your desires even when its difficult, and to "give no fucks" is not (meant to be) a literal term; it means you should not necessarily care about what others think when it comes to getting what you want. Being able to do both of these things is imperative, not just for dating and meeting girls, but for being a better man. In fact, to acknowledge your desires, to let others know of them, to balance your judgements of others in relation to what you want, to make friends based on what you like, is a more honest and ethical way of living because it is in accordance to the way you actually want to live. On the other hand, to hide your intentions, to be nice to others for the sake of appeasing them, to hide or shut down your own wishes to make room for someone else's are usually dishonest acts.

I'm a natural introvert, and emotionally fine tuned as well. I feel like I understand where your concerns are coming from, albeit I don't really know that much actual information about you. There are natural alphas in the world with such incredible looks and willpower that they are naturally strong, outgoing, and therefore hyper masculine. But generically, to be alpha means to live honestly and without fear of reproach from others, and this is something anyone can do that a lot of people fail or don't really understand. Think about some of the people in your life that you admire or respect. Not all of them are giga-chads (some may even be relatively quiet people), but they have that underlying confidence in themselves and their place in life that can only be derived from living in accordance with what they will. You are right when you say that you do give fucks - you should, but you should also be fearless in expressing what you do and don't care for to others. Weak men hide their opinions because they fear what others will think of them, and this mentality bleeds into every aspect of their life including dating.

The key to happiness, "masculinity" (perhaps in a more meta sense), and good, meaningful relationships is to live honestly and as you truly wish to live it.

See your therapist and talk about everything. I know I had (and am still recovering from) a very negative inner voice. Take some time to muse over some past events in your life where you failed and ask yourself what went wrong, and instead of berating yourself as I used to, (1) put the event into an objective context ("it wasn't THAT bad", "they don't care to remember what I did, it really was minor in scope of other things") and (2) list out the things you could have done better in that moment ("I really should have spoken my mind", "I should have talked to her instead of hiding"). Also take time to think of the good times in your life where you were happy, or where you did well - this is something that is very hard for me, as the bad ones stick out far more regularly for me even though they're fewer.

You have more potential than you know. If you want to hear about my experiences or how I have been recovering from weaker places, feel free to pm me (that invite extends outward to anyone else in a similar place). If you start now, you'll be in a far better place than me. The climb only gets steeper the longer you wait.

Title	Self worth and insecurity
Author	plamebay
Upvotes	2
Comments	1
Date	August 19, 2019 1:07 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cs9zbg/self_worth_and_insecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/self-worth-and-insecurity.1476409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1476409

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