I’ve never really been single since I started dating in high school, aside from two intentional years in my 20s. Even then I had my ‘rotation’ of 3-4 fwb, so I was never lonely if I wanted company.

My life partner has slept with hundreds of women. My partner is overweight, has a small dick, and rarely brushes their hair or trims their beard. But when we started dating, a dozen or so gorgeous women in my partner’s social circle had distinctly sour attitudes towards me.

From casual sex to falling in love (we’ve opted for both on the reg) it’s all actually really easy.

Step 1: be an authentic person– do you instead of worrying about anyone else’s opinion. That means everything from setting boundaries however you see fit to wearing sandals in the winter.

Step 2: do interesting things that bring you around interesting people. I don’t mean the local sports bar. Go to see live local music, art shows, volunteer at an animal rescue, barter for something bizarre on Craigslist, go to a protest, play DnD or attend a LARP. There are so many interesting things to do, and interesting people will be there.

Step 3: talk to anyone who catches your interest or vibes with you in any way, not just romantically/sexually. See a bumper sticker with a deep cut reference to your favorite video game in a parking lot? Tell the owner. Someone has a really fucking cool hat? Tell them. Most of the time the interaction will end there, but sometimes you make a new friend.

Step 4: keep doing you. Eventually your social life will snowball. You’ll have endless organic opportunities to sleep with and/or date any number of well-suited individuals.

It really is that easy.