As I'm working on figuring out this dating stuff, improving myself, my social circle & who I am, I had a very enlightening moment over the past 24 hours. It was around valuing myself in relation to the opposite sex.

Basically, from 2 numbers I got recently... both of the convos suddenly died off. I began to think about why, what I did wrong, what should I have said differently, etc. Before it got worse, I actually stopped and asked myself "How am I supposed to predict what someone else does?" "How is that my responsibility OR a reflection of me?" "Why am I hoping I impress somebody else?" "Why do I have to find a magical set of words to keep someone interested?" I can't do that anymore. It feels pointless.

The reality is, I can only control so much in this world, and no one owes me anything. If people fall off, flake, or do whatever, it's impossible to figure out why. Doing so simply means trying to chase something that's guaranteed to work every time, and it simply won't. So I refuse to play that game anymore.

Trying to walk on eggshells, make sure you say the perfect thing to retain interest, etc. is pointless. What woman A may like, may piss off woman B. Instead, I'm just going to keep improving myself & the quality of my life, while taking up new opportunities to approach as they come.

I'm going to celebrate the fact that for the first time ever, I caught & held attention from multiple women at once.

I'm going to celebrate that my body is completely unrecognizable from what it used to be 4 months ago.

I'm also going to celebrate that I pushed my tiredness aside last night to go out to a bar and actually meet a couple of new people. It pushed me to carry my voice harder and take interest in others.

I have a lot to grow in, but I believe faith, gratitude, and patience will get me there.

Until next time.

P.S. Also, shoutout to u/cocobabeNYC . Your posts are really helpful, brother.